So you're done binge-watching season four of Orange is the New Black, and now you need some help getting your fix? We're here to help by taking a look back at the best sex scenes of the last few seasons. For those who haven't finished the most recent episodes, you may want to steer clear. Thar be spoilers ahead.
40 oz. of Flaccid
Sometimes, love-making just isn't meant to be (even when it's the only chance you'll get to see the other person). In the ninth episode of the second season, Piper and Larry try to get it on in the bathroom during Piper's grandma's funeral for old time's sake, but Larry just can't get it up. That turns into Larry admitting to seeing someone else mid-fellatio, which never ends well.
Who says libraries only have to be for reading? Alex and Piper go from fighting into full-blown sex in a matter of seconds, and it all takes place in the middle of the prison library. It's got drama, violence, nudity, and it's not super uncomfortable to watch (unlike some of OITNB's other sex scenes). That's pretty much all you can ask from a sex scene.
Suck It, Natalie
"They used to call me beer can in high school" might not be the sexiest pre-fellation line in history, but that creepy-ass mustache on Joe Caputo just adds to the gross pervert effect. Is it really a scene that's going to turn you on? Maybe not, but it's an oral sex scene you'll likely never forget.
Lorna's Luscious Language
Just because there wasn't any physical contact doesn't mean we can't still count it as sex. When Lorna and Vince get to see each other during visitation, they don't need to touch each other to get off. Both characters manage to climax while just talking about sex. Forget phone sex or sexting, this is the old-school, technology-free way of getting it on while only using words.
Nichols Collects Soso
Just moments after revealing the fact that she "collects orgasms" from going down on girls, Nicky lands one of the most coveted prizes in all of Litchfield. Even if Soso spends the entirety of their session together talking about the only other time she's ever had a girl go down on her, it still counts (particularly in her panty-collecting competition). Nichols: 1, Big Boo: 0.
Judy King's Drug-Fueled Threesome
When Judy King was introduced to the OITNB universe, we don't imagine anyone could've predicted that she'd be the one to pop some Molly and end up in a threesome with Yoga Jones and Luschek. To be fair, she kinda warned us this was a possibility by bringing up the fact that she had a husband and a boyfriend at the same time, but it was still impressive to see. Props to King for being the only one who woke up without regrets about the night before. You own it, girl.
Big Boo's Big Strap-On
Isn't there a little part of all of us that identifies with Big Boo? No, just us? Okay. Well, Big Boo probably doesn't care, in part because she was the wearer of the most prolific strap-on this side of Broad City. With all of the sex in OITNB, it's actually a change of pace to see a phallic sex toy.
Scissoring Doesn't Work in Any Language
Don't you hate it when you're hooking up with your German girlfriend on a military base and you get interrupted? Well, before that happened, Poussey proved to her doubting lady that scissoring isn't actually an effective method of girl-on-girl sex, but they had some good snuggles anyway. It's just too bad we'll never get another scene like this again. RIP, Ms. Washington.
Shocking, Ain't It?
Big Boo and Nichols' sex competition was one of the steamiest subplots of OITNB to date, but these scenes in particular were two that we'll never forget. In most films and premium television shows, you see the top half of sex without any of the bottom part. That's where the directors of OITNB decided to go another direction. As if just seeing the lower portion of two folks going at it wasn't enough, it's also the fitting series introduction of everyone's favorite multi-faceted finger-banging move.
One Last Time
For those who are way behind (sorry about the Poussey spoiler earlier — can't say we didn't warn ya), things don't work out all happily ever after between Daya and Bennett. But in a show full of women going down on each other and the occasional super-awkward heterosexual scene, we remember fondly the days of these two getting into some baby-making.