2 Live Crew Live in Phoenix (in 1990)

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9:00: "Throw The Dick," from their first album. They're crude, for sure, but it sounds like everyone is having a grand time. I wish I was there for real, instead of sitting in my living room while Scrubs plays in the background. I'm not so sure Dr. Cox would approve of this tomfoolery.

9:01: "One and One"! This was the very first 2 Live Crew song that I ever listened to/loved. My friend and I would listen to it super quiet at his mom's apartment while she was in the other room. We'd listen to it and force ourselves to laugh super hard when he'd rhyme "six" with "dick" or when he said "GET YOUR FACE OUT MY ASS, MOTHERFUCKER" at the end. I think we were maybe eight around the time.

9:01:15: This seems like a good time to mention that Uncle Luke recently won the right to be a youth football coach in Florida, something that will never not be funny to think about.

9:06: They're trying to goad the crowd into a frenzy by saying that other towns (L.A, New Orleans, St. Louis, etc) have been saying that "Phoenix ain't shit." Luke continues, "We missed one state and they think y'all ain't shit, for real. You know what state that is? ...NEW YORK CITY!" Ah yes, the great state of New York City? I guess that's why they weren't called 2 Geography Crew.

9:11: Uncle Luke is talking to the ladies (he does the most talking, obvs). He's asking them if they have sex in the desert. Question: Has anyone ever really had sex on the beach? I don't even like to eat at the beach. The sand always gets all in my sandwich and shit.

9:11:15: That's not a euphemism, BTW. I mean a literal sandwich. Though, I guess if I had a vagina, I'd probably call it "my sandwich" from time to time.

9:15: The guys meander a bit, bookending each song with interactions with the crowd. I read a review of this album at the Entertainment Weekly site. (It was copied from a review that ran in print in 1991.) They gave the tape an F, saying it was little more than "lazy run-throughs of 'Me So Horny,' 'The Fuck Shop,' and their other bawdy romps." Disagree. I don't think there's ever been a time someone could've classified The 2 Live Crew as "lazy." Their rhymes are basic, certainly, but never lazy. Whatevs. End of Side A. Tape flip.

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