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Katy Perry Gives The Worst Sex Advice Ever

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Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)

Katy's use of euphemism is second only to Rosie O'Donnell's "Kids Are Punny," but I'm surprised at the number of people who don't realize song glorifies date rape, which is just tragic. Ms. Perry wakes up in bed with someone she doesn't know, can't explain bruises, and her memory is as bright as Jason Bourne's. If you don't think she was sipping GHB, consciously or not, you probably think Britney Spears waited for marriage.

Hey Katy, I remember my first beer, too. I remember causing myself hangovers that felt like anesthetic-free liver surgery and going an entire month I can't account for. I remember flipping off my bike and walking around with cheek scratches for weeks. I'm lucky I still have all my teeth, internal organs, and didn't contract venereal disease.

I see the irony in this song (*cough cough Ke$ha rip-off cough*) but the same idiots that will wait in line to see a 3D version of Katy's whip cream jizz stream into their faces probably won't pick up on the joke. Sex plus alcohol equals fun, but so does heroin plus anal. A little here and there won't kill you, but where do you draw the line? I think, after the whole "been there, done that" thing, I'll stop short of losing my motor skills and burning out nerve connections in my memory.

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Troy Farah is an independent journalist and documentary field producer. He has worked with VICE, Fusion, LA Weekly, Golf Digest, BNN, Tucson Weekly, and Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Troy Farah