Nerd Culture

Pocket-raped at the Wildlife World Zoo & Aquarium

Ever since the Aquarium opened at Wildlife World Zoo, I've been dying to go. Yes, as of last month, Phoenix has an Aquarium! Like a real city! Through the oh-so-fab "crappy coupon booket o' the week" I get delivered to my doorstep, I had a coupon good for $3 off up to 4 adult admissions. So me, my hubby and two friends piled into the car and drove out to BFE Litchfield Park this Sunday. Even with the coupon, our total came to ONE. HUNDRED. BUCKS. Now, while I'm not one to put a price on edutainment, that stings my wallet. It's a recession, zoo folks! Duh.

A lady standing next to me on line remarked that "you practically have to take out a loan to go to this place." She had four kids in tow. Hell, the hubby and I bought a family membership to the much closer Phoenix Zoo for about $75, which includes a year of free admissions for us, plus two one-time--use guest tickets. Damn. Well, at least the Wildlife World Zoo has rides...

Once we got in, everyone wanted to try one of them: the log flume, the train ride, some Australian boat thingy, a SkyRide. That was until we saw the signs indicating the rides are an extra $2-5 per person. T-A-C-K-Y. So we skipped them and came up with more "creative" ways of adding value to the zoo. Heh, heh.

 Save money on hairpieces by sourcing yours at the zoo. Here, we have one of the newer Tina Turner models.

 Speak "parceltongue" to the snakes ala Harry Potter and watch the glass between you and the boa dissappear. Hepsathhhhvoiisssseee....Shit. It actually worked (seriously, no glass in photo).

 Cotton candy booths are conveniently located adjacent to the Predator building, ensuring you and your children would be a tasty snack for the alligators inside.

Don't miss the elusive couplis makingouticus. Notice how the male of the species playfully holds the hair and cups the buttocks of the female. A very rare sight, indeed.

**Side note to zoo staff: When an animal such as a jaguar has been taken off exhibit temporarily, please mark the cage as such. Otherwise, when we see an empty enclosure labeled "jaguar" we'll take it to mean that we might soon be lunch.

And if all else fails, you can always get totally smashed potatoes (that's slang for drunk, you teetotalers) before you hit the zoo. Because seeing two of everything is always better.

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Wynter Holden
Contact: Wynter Holden