Don't worry, folks -- President Obama will not have to take into consideration the thousands of people who wanted Arizona to secede from the United States.
It's not like the president would've given a rat's ass either way, but one of the young bucks at Cronkite News Service noticed that the online petition for Arizona's secession didn't even get enough signatures to reach the White House's threshold for consideration.
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On the other hand, the petition to "Deport Everyone That Signed A Petition To Withdraw Their State From The United States Of America" has exceeded the 25,000-signature threshold.
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Other states like Texas and Louisiana also passed their secession petitions, but the new government of Arizona -- which New Times readers decided would be named the "Republikkk of Dumbfuckistan" -- couldn't even get enough support on the Internet.
It also looks like this petition on the Internet was the most effort anyone actually put into the Arizona secession movement. At least the Occupy people walked around and shouted things every so often.
We're guessing your neighbor -- the one with the "Don't tread on me!" and "I Don't Believe the Liberal Media!" bumper stickers -- didn't move to Canada, either.
Good work, patriots.