"But it's that whole 'binge/purge' cycle," Windsor says. "All it took was for me to see an ad in the paper for some diapers, and I went out and started buying bottles and nipples and stuff all over again."
Today, the baby thing is William Windsor's full-time pursuit. And it's an expensive one. Since last March, when he got the first installment from his father's estate, he figures hes spent more than $10,000 on clothes, toys and furniture.
Some things, money can't buy. Windsor's "ultimate mommies" -- his fantasies, that is -- are Carmen Electra and porn star Jenna Jameson, both of whom grace the walls of his apartment on posters. He doesn't expect to be able to persuade either of letting him "suck on their tits" or changing his diapers, for any amount of cash.
Windsor lives alone in the living room of his small, one-bedroom apartment, which he rents for $605 a month (including utilities), his computer desk takes up the most space. There, he spends most of his days searching for fellow AB/DLs on the Web, and he's found hundreds across the country, and as far away as Australia, Britain and Japan. Some have become friends, whose pictures he proudly displays on his homemade Web site, dreambaby.org, also known as "Heidi's Dreamhouse."
But why does Willie Windsor live in relative squalor?
"I could go to a better place," he admits. "I don't really want to live here much longer. But the management here has been good to me. You don't know how hard it is to get into a place when you look like this.
"Besides, that's one thing I get from my dad. I'm pretty thrifty. I don't like to spend money when I don't have to."
He has a small TV, a DVD/VHS player, and a wooden rocker and ottoman also in the cramped living room. But what immediately catches your eye is his specially made high chair, for which Windsor paid $500 and had shipped to his apartment from a Phoenix-based adult-baby furniture maker, Santiago LLC (babyapparels.com). The owner of the company, Mike Sally, says he ships high chairs, cribs, playpens, clothes and toys to adult babies all over the world.
"It's a multimillion-dollar industry on the Web. It's a big business," Sally says. "I met a woman in Canada, a seamstress. She told me she has five seamstresses working for her just making adult baby clothes."
Sally's company also made a $1,200 high chair, crib and playpen for CSI: Miami, which dedicated an entire episode to infantilism recently, titled "King Baby." The plot revolves around the murder of a man who had a secret chamber filled with adult baby paraphernalia.
Windsor has no secret chamber, just a closet full of baby-doll dresses and onesies, some of which cost as much as $350 apiece. At the base of his crib, which is decorated with "Baby Looney Tunes" stickers, is a diaper-changing table. In the corner of his bedroom is a hamper full of dirty cloth diapers.
"That's probably what I spend the most amount of time doing every week. Laundry's a real bitch for me," he says. "But disposables are too expensive, and the Depends aren't really baby diapers anyway."
Sometimes, HeidiLynn has a mommy to change her diapers -- women interested in the nurturing aspect of the adult baby fetish -- but mostly, she changes her own, usually two to three times daily.
It took Windsor more than seven months to retrain himself "to go" in his diapers, he says. He bought hypnosis tapes available online at dpf.com and other sites. "But the tapes aren't enough. You have to want it," he says. So he even went so far as to chain-lock his toilet.
"Visitors weren't so happy about that," he says. "I am incontinent now. I never know when it's going to strike. It's to the point now where if I didn't wear diapers, I wouldn't have the time to get to a bathroom. I wouldn't trust myself anymore without the diapers.
"I've tried to close every avenue of escape."
Windsor offers a sort of "how to" on self-diaper-changing:
"Well, first, of course, I have to take off the wet or dirty one," he says. "I have to unfasten the safety pins, the big ones -- which are getting harder and harder to find, by the way. Only a couple of stores have them.
"Then I lay a diaper pad on the table, lay down and clean myself up with some wipes, and let it dry. If I have diaper rash, I'll put on some Desitin. And then just a sprinkling of Johnson & Johnson baby powder," he says, adding that name-brand baby supplies are the one thing he splurges on. "But you don't wanna put on too much baby powder," he adds. "Too much dulls the absorbency."