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Alas, the crack investigative team never got to air this sizzling expose--unless it played while the Flash was blinking--because of a cutaway to CBS News national coverage of the launch of astro-Senator John Glenn. So the question of whether or not a steady diet of fast food is healthy remains maddeningly unanswered. How can they toy with us like this?

John Sightings
And speaking of members of the Keating Five: The election's over, and U.S. Senator John McCain, R-Hanoi, can heave a sigh of relief--he won. What a shock! It must have been all that last-minute campaigning.

Our online cousin, www.phoenixnewtimes.com, sponsored a successful hunt for the Snowy-Haired Senator. Site visitors were asked to show proof that McCain was actually out on the campaign trail. Proof continues to pour in, even though the deadline was October 27. As of press time, 31 entries had come in. Most entrants sent a picture of themselves with the senator. One entrant offered up McCain's campaign Web site as proof that Humble John was giving it the old college try.

Our favorite entry came from Fred Pulve of Fountain Hills, who made sure McCain emerged from this campaign with one less Snowy Hair. Pulve sent in a snap with a hideous-looking white hair taped to it and the caption, "This campaign is getting 'hairy' John!" Hardy har har, Fred. You'll get a special reward for creativity. The Flash earnestly hopes the hair came from Humble John's head!

Check in at www.phoenixnewtimes.com/extra/running_john

Feed the Flash: voice, 229-8486; fax, 340-8806; online, [email protected]

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