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CommieCare's Procedure VI.13 states (the parts in italics are The Flash's expert interpretations): "If a Romantic Relationship exists or develops with a person in an Employee's chain (or whip) of command . . . the Employee in the higher level position (my favorite) must disclose the existence of the relationship to any member of the Executive Council (who reserves the right to talk unmercifully about said Employees behind their backs). The other Employee involved in the relationship may make such disclosure to any member of the Executive Council (provided they are suck-ups who want to be gossiped about unmercifully). The disclosure will be reviewed (preferably on videotape) to determine what, if any, impact (whether real or perceived) the existence of the relationship may have on the company."

Employees who dare dally with a colleague face transfer, demotion or firing provided such action "is in the best interest of the company." Failure to disclose is also a firing offense.

Procedure VI.15 addresses the thorny issue of trysts between farther-flung workers: "If a Romantic Relationship exists or develops with another Employee who is not in an Employee's chain of command, the Employees involved are strongly encouraged to advise members of the Executive Council (as to how they, too, can score)."

Procedure VI.32 states: "Employees will not sleep on the job. (Especially with others.)"

Feed The Flash: voice, 229-8486; fax, 340-8806; online, [email protected]

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