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Goofball Shockumentary

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She was so pissed off when she learned that Pink Taco was coming to town that she took a break from her crusade against Jenna Jameson's strip club to give poppy Peter a call to complain about the handle of his son's local cafe.

"I would call it directly offensive to over half the population," Herroner told this stupefied stork. "So I said, 'Peter, I'm happy you and your son want to locate in our community. [But] I'm asking you to change the name of your business, make it a little more in keeping with the Waterfront development, and also so it won't be offensive to women and a lot of men I know.'"

The Bird heard that Peter told the misguided Mayoress to go eat a chimichanga (or something much worse) and that nothing would stand in the way of his offspring's business plans -- not even good taste.

Which irked Manross to no end, though she claimed she intends no public campaign against the labia-inspired enterprise.

"The municipality has no authority to force them to change their name," she told The Bird with a sigh. "They have the right to build. They signed a lease. It was a totally private transaction. I just felt that I had to express what I thought."

Yet because of the mayor's complaints, apparently Morton and son are afraid that their gynecological moniker might engender a backlash before Pink Taco's May 15 hearing before the Scottsdale City Council, where PT's liquor license awaits approval. According to Morton's local flack Melanie Kalusner of Phoenix's Margo Media, the Taco team's attempting a pre-emptive strike: It's announcing it will stop referring to tank tops sold at the eateries as "wife-beaters."

PT's corporate goons turned canary yellow when this mockingbird rang them up to find out what else might not be in the offing, refusing to comment until after the hearing. Hey, this not-so-bald eagle's all for freedom of speech. But you gotta wonder about suits who'd name their restaurant after cooze, and then not have the balls to defend it in public. Even though The Bird seldom agrees with Manross, it's got to give herroner credit for at least having a pair.

This extended middle finger's saying, it looks like the Mortons are bigger pussies than their restaurant's handle would imply.

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Robrt L. Pela has been a weekly contributor to Phoenix New Times since 1991, primarily as a cultural critic. His radio essays air on National Public Radio affiliate KJZZ's Morning Edition.
Contact: Robrt L. Pela