Feathered Bastard

Joe Arpaio's Fave Pay-triot John Philip Sousa IV Fires Back, Makes Bank Off Peddling Joe

Nativist Nimrod and birther nutbar John Philip Sousa IV slays me with his whole, "Guess who my great-grandpappy was?" song and dance, which he uses to sell his lame book about the original John Philip Sousa, shill for racist organizations like the Federation for American Immigration Reform, and pimp for Maricopa County's High Pooh-Bah of Hard Arteries, our despised Depends-wearin' despot, Sheriff Joe Arpaio.

See also: -Joe Arpaio Fans Look a Little Desperate With Billboards Urging People Not to Sign Recall -Joe Arpaio's Wing-Nut Supporter John Philip Sousa IV's Hysterical Appeal for Moolah

Check out a pic ofSousa, and you'll see a massive dork who's spent his entire life pushing paper for the financial industry, a fella with the personality of a tongue-depressor and all the charm of that weasel Lumbergh from Office Space.

Join the fight to end Joe Arpaio's 20 year reign of error and terror.

A talentless, middle-aged, pear-shaped cipher, JPS IV may be, but he knows how to make a buck while boosting our bumbling, clodhopper sheriff.

What, you didn't think Sousa did all that shuckin' and jivin' for Joe without taking his cut, did ya?

See, in 2012, the gettin' was good for Americans for Sheriff Joe, the independent committee that the Connecticut-centric Sousa created along with two veteran right-wing hacks from Southern California: Bill Saracino and Allen Brandstater.

Sousa played chairman. Saracino acted as treasurer. And Brandstater played bass and consulted.

Together, these outsiders raised $2.8 million to help re-elect Arpaio last year. Not too shabby, and they got some pocket change and then some for their troubles.

According to filings online with Maricopa County Elections, Brandstater pulled in $24,675 for consulting fees. And his Brandstater Associates scored a nice $91,145, mainly for the production and airing of some pro-Joe campaign ads.

Saracino ca-chinged $47,845, while JPS IV took home $23,800. GIA Publications, the publisher of JPS-4's coffee-table book John Philip Sousa's America pocketed $6,285 for "donor premium -- book." Maybe an autographed copy of Sousa's tome for big donors? I dunno.

Nothing illegal about any of this to my knowledge. Indeed, this is the very above-board racket of running an independent political committee. Everyone does it. Left, right, center and none of the above. And anyway, why shouldn't a true pay-triot get paid?

The successor to last year's cash cow is Americans for Sheriff Joe Against the Recall, which has yet to file its first full campaign finance report with Maricopa County Elections.

However, JPS IV and his pals have taken credit for those dopey electronic billboards around town warning drivers not to sign the recall, because, ahem, "Nobody does it better than Sheriff Joe."

Do tell, boys.

Interestingly, my last blog post lambasting Sousa and his fellow dingbats as "knuckledraggin' haters" became Sousa's latest means of earning some beer money via a mass-emailed appeal mentioning my mention. Maybe I should send Sousa a bill.

Referring to me as one of "George Soros' henchmen" is kinda funny. I mean, I wish! That dude's loaded. George, if you're readin', gimme a buzz. I could play like Barack Obama and help you redistribute the wealth.Capisce?

JPS IV thinks what I wrote last time was "vile smut" directed at him? Hmmm, I'd say this girly-man and his Eddie Munster-turned-60-something haircut should get out of the house more often.

You know, stop by New Times sometime, and I'll treat your ears to some genuine white-hot invective, guaranteed to make your ears blow smoke like in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

BTW, where the hell is "America's toughest sheriff" these days? We've barely seen that greasy pol since he had his slip and fall a few months back. It's like we're in the twilight years of Commie Russia, when the secretary of the Politburo would sneeze in public and you wouldn't see the geezer for weeks, up until they carried him out onto Red Square in a coffin. (See note below.)

Meanwhile, Joe's letting nitwit nudniks like JPS-4 fight for him? With friends like these, Sheriff, you'll be recalled in no time. That's assuming you're still alive. Either way, these bozos in Americans for Sheriff Joe will be laughing all the way to the proverbial bank.

Note: On Channel 3 Wednesday night, I actually caught a fleeting glimpse of Arpaio next to that former D-backs dude Mark Grace. Some sort of bs about the guy getting a DUI. (Who cares?) Anyway, apparently Arpaio lives (yawn), though I could have sworn that was Lisa Allen propping him up from behind.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons