Giligin's vile: I've always loved Inferno, but the one on the wise-ass Chuey and his "fear factor" shenanigans ("Mouthful of Midget," Stephen Lemons, April 13) is great!
I'm heading over to Giligin's for the Wednesday night craziness as soon as I can. I loved the opener to your column about Chuey humping Natalee Holloway's picture. Sick, but if we can't laugh at tragedy, how can we hope to deal with the horror of it?
I'm just glad to know that such humor is alive and well in Phoenix. Who would have thought that anything like this was going on in this conservative city? Any comedy act that references Terri Schiavo, John Wayne Gacy, Jesus Christ, Don Knotts and Christopher Reeve is a winner in my book.
Hey, I may be sick in the head, but there are a lot of us around here who don't get much nourishment, now that David Letterman has gotten old and Saturday Night Live has cleaned up its act. About the only thing going is Bill Maher's show, and now, 'course, Cap'n Mike and Chuey the Rock 'N' Roll Midget.
Denise Parra, Phoenix
Laughter -- and a barf bag -- is the best medicine: Hilarious Inferno column on Chuey and the Cap'n. Laughter is the best thing you can get for yourself, and I can tell you I haven't laughed so hard in a while.
You guys at New Times are so good at digging up the crazy shit in this town. Thanks for turning me on to such great entertainment. I'll be over at Giligin's next Wednesday.
Sara Lovelace, via the Internet
Just make sure the bars on the cell door are very close together: Has New Times taken leave of its senses?! I've noted from all your positive talk about Mexicans who are taking jobs away from Americans (no matter what you say, it's true!) that you now lack what used to be called good ol' American common decency. But now you have really done it; you have written a story about a man who defiles the photo of a dead girl!
This Chuey person should be locked up in a tiny prison humping Natalee Holloway's picture with his tiny dick. What a sick fool! And for New Times to print his so-called "antics" is beyond reproach. I'm writing a letter to Maricopa County Attorney Andrew Thomas -- one of the few public officials who gets it right around here -- asking him to bring charges against your paper for indecency. And while he's at it, I want him to close down Giligin's for allowing that midget asshole to commit public indecency.
New Times should be ashamed of itself for a lot of reasons, but what you have done now cannot be tolerated in this decent society.
Sandra Patel, via the Internet
Basic instinct: I loved the Inferno on the "fear factor" stuff, since I love the TV show so much. It's really twisted that so many of us love to see other people eating bugs and worse, but there's something very entertaining about it all. I think we like this kind of stuff just like we like looking at car wrecks. It appeals to something basic in our human nature.
But I could have done without the opener about Natalee Holloway. I can just imagine how her parents would feel if they read about what Chuey was doing and saying. The rest of what was going on at Giligin's was great, but Chuey should be ashamed of himself.
Carol Lawler, Flagstaff
What the #$*! does he know?: I'm writing you to complain about the son of a bitch who called us Mexicans all those dirty words on your Letters page. His sorry name is Jon Krieger ("An Admirer of Mayor Phil's," Letters, April 13).
Have him say all those words in front of actual Mexicans, and see what happens to him. He's a piece of dog poop!
Joseph Lujan, Phoenix
Not kicking ass, but taking names: So letter-writer Jon Krieger is going to call Mexicans, from the safety of his home, spics and worse? I'd like to see him say this to my face. And this is the kind of fool who admires Mayor Phil Gordon?!
I noticed that the mayor went back on the words he'd said after the first migrant-rights march. You know, the first time around, he said it was a disgrace that we Latinos had taken to the streets. I loved the way The Bird took him down for his foolish comments ("Single-File, Please!" Robrt L. Pela, April 6), and I loved the way The Bird put a hurtin' on that dumb-ass talk-show host at KFYI the next week ("Go On, Just Shoot 'Em," April 13).
But I'm getting away from the subject, which's that Mayor Gordon was singing a different tune at the conclusion of the second big march (the one that drew from 100,000 to 225,000 people); he was very welcoming of everybody and was taking credit for the city making the march turn out well. He was acting like he was in favor of Mexicans marching in the streets all along.
First of all, the city had nothing to do with the protest turning out well. It was us peaceful marchers who made sure it turned out well. We didn't kick any ass. We probably should have, but we didn't. What did the city have to do with anything? Does the fact that they were ready in case any violence happened mean that Mayor Gordon did anything right? That he expected that violence might happen shows what kind of racist he really is. And then to take credit?
Typical of this white man to ride on the brown man's back.
Raul S. Lopez, Phoenix
Let's Taser them instead: The Bird's way off on the illegal immigration issue. Granted, KFYI's Brian James could've made his point a little more tactfully. But I don't think there's anyone who's seriously advocating the shooting of illegals crossing the border.
Many, including me, don't want any illegals here; I don't want my taxes going to pay for their children in school or for their medical bills.
I'm all for a legal worker program; but I want the border closed to illegals. This lack of the "rule of law" has gone on far too long; it's now time to fix this mess and prevent any further encroachments on my country. The last I checked, the United States is a sovereign nation.
By the way, I don't hate Mexicans or Latinos. I just don't like foreigners who break my country's laws.
Dan Boshoven, Mesa
Don't give us your tired and your poor: There's a lot of information in the media about whether to give Mexicans amnesty, make them felons or any number of other possibilities. I know there are many hardworking men and women in the illegal immigrant community, but there are also many unsavory characters out there, too.
It's only smart for the United States to secure its borders. If it doesn't, it's actually inviting crime and terrorism into the country. Everyone must admit that this situation has gotten out of hand. The crime rate, the gangs, the community services that are no longer easy for those of us who pay for them to use because they are overrun by illegals.
The Mexican people haven't come here to help the United States, but for a better life. Well, meantime, they have made our lives worse. I consider myself a liberal and very un-prejudiced, but what is happening in this country is off the charts.
Everyone knows the problems in Mexico, and the people leaving there are bringing bad problems to the United States. I have nothing against legal immigration, but these people are breaking the law. I wouldn't have been hurt if, during the mass protests, the INS had rounded all of them up and deported them.
They don't have a right to protest here in our country (actual U.S. citizens do, but not illegals)!
I lived on the west side for 10 years and watched as other parts of the city enjoyed double-digit property-value increases. My property value stayed the same and even dipped at times. The reason is that the crime rate increased as four and five Mexican families started living in single houses in the neighborhood. There are now murders, prostitution, you name it, where once the streets were safe.
We're at a crossroads now. We can't let illegal aliens rule our streets. If we give them amnesty, this is what will happen.
Patrick Hoffman, Phoenix
King James: The Bird's just another pantywaist liberal. Somebody should shoot him down from the sky for what he's been writing lately. If you ask me, KFYI radio host Brian James is a hero.
James is the one who should run for governor, not The Bird, as that fool who wrote a letter to the editor suggested ("Governor Feathered Fiend," April 13).
I think James is right that we need to go down to the border and open fire on anybody who dares to come into our country illegally. That would be a real lesson.
Nothing Congress is proposing would do the job as well as a little frontier justice. It's sad that James is being persecuted for telling the truth.
Name withheld by request
Talk about a pantywaist: Too bad J. Edgar Hoover isn't around anymore to take care of the likes of The Bird. He knew how to deal with people who are enemies of Americans.
Paul Henderson, Sun City
Hammered and Nailed
Spin city: Artis Wilson's "good heart" comments about his ex-wife and Amaré Stoudemire's mother in "Amaré's Burden" had me gagging (John Dougherty, March 30).
The way Wilson sees it, Ms. Stoudemire ought to be a candidate for sainthood instead of facing serious time in the slammer. We're only lucky she didn't kill some poor slob while driving around hammered.
Barry Cohen, Phoenix
Mother loaded: I don't think I've ever seen a more appropriate use of the term "Yo Mama" than in reference to Amaré Stoudemire's sorry-ass mother (John Dougherty, April 6). She should be ashamed of herself acting like such a low-class rich bitch when her son is trying to recover from possible career-ending knee problems!
What a distraction this must be for this young man. And after all he had done to try to give her a good life.
I might feel sorry for her, if she hadn't been acting so spoiled-rotten through all this, because substance abuse is truly a sickness. My heart goes out to Amaré.
Toni Chappell, via the Internet
How did you find out?: I feel sorry for the backlash that's going to come down upon you guys for the stories you've written on Amaré Stoudemire's mom. Obviously you guys have no ethics whatsoever.
You really sank pretty low this time. Would you like it if we spread the rumor that your mother was a cum-guzzling slut? Fuck off, you pathetic assholes!
Jason Oshop, via the Internet