Just about every week, we bring you a roundup of visitors to the desert's own Fourth Avenue Jail. To be considered for our Maricopa County mugshots of the week, get arrested, strike a pose, and we'll take care of the rest.
This week, most of our featured Fourth Avenue visitors will have you shakin' your damn head -- or "SMDH," as the cool kids on the Internet are saying. Enjoy.
Charges: Burglary, marijuana possession
See right above this dude's eyebrows? "Infamous Husler."
Do you think he knows?
This is totally unrelated, but The Hobbit was released in theaters today.
Charge: Criminal damage
Q: Why don't people tell jokes about Jonestown?
A: The punchline is too long.
Charge: Driving with a suspended license
We get it. You were probably sleeping on concrete in a holding cell, and it's not good for the hairdo. However, this is the only foreseeable opportunity to work in this quote from Sweet Dick Willie in Spike Lee's Do the Right Thing: "You wanna boycott someone? You ought to start with the goddamn barber that fucked up your head."
Charges: Burglary, resisting arrest, possession of drug paraphernalia, criminal trespassing, shoplifting
Unfortunately, we can confirm that this isn't actually Torry Holt, who has not worn this jersey since December 28, 2008. Although this jersey is straight cash, homey, an index of more-hilarious jerseys can be found at StraightCashHomey.net.
Charges: Administering narcotic drugs to another person, failure to appear
We haven't seen this guy for a few years.
Charges: Theft, fraudulent schemes, sale of unregistered securities, sale of securities as an unregistered agent
We don't know what type of unregistered securities this fellow was allegedly selling, but we have a good guess.
"Now, the United States government is having trouble financing this second Great War. President Roosevelt himself has invested in these high-quality bonds, which offer a guaranteed minimum investment yield of 4 percent. Yessir, they accrue interest for 40 years, so you'll likely be a rich man by 1981."
Charge: Aggravated DUI
Hypothetically, would driving under the influence of LSD to a concert featuring a Grateful Dead cover band really be considered a crime? Really?
Charges: Marijuana possession for sale, marijuana transportation, conspiracy, illegal control of an enterprise
Jailhouse surprises -- never really a good thing.