Feathered Bastard

NRA's Wayne LaPierre and Neo-Nazi Agree on Sandy Hook Solution: More Guns

It's dang encouraging to learn that the National Rifle Association's top propagandist Wayne LaPierre is practically on the same page as Maricopa, Arizona neo-Nazi Harry Hughes regarding what the nation should do in response to the massacre of the innocents in Newtown, Connecticut.

More guns!

As I noted in a recent post about HH scoring a photo with U.S. Senator John McCain, Hughes and a growing number of Republican politicians believe that the answer to the mass killing should be the arming of our nation's teachers.

See also: -John McCain Meets Neo-Nazi and Onetime J.T. Ready-Sidekick Harry Hughes -Sandy Hook Slaughter: Adam Lanza's Mom, Ron Barber's Wisdom and Bob Lord's Petition

LaPierre's proposal also calls for more guns on school campuses, though he prefers armed guards.

Part of Mr. LaPierre's brilliant proposal to protect America's schoolchildren

"You know, five years ago, after the Virginia Tech tragedy, when I said we should put armed security in every school, the media called me crazy," he told reporters during a press conference today in Washington, DC.

"But what if, what if when Adam Lanza started shooting his way in the Sandy Hook Elementary School last Friday, he'd been confronted by qualified armed security? Will you at least admit it's possible that 26 little kids -- that 26 innocent lives might have been spared that day?"

Actually, Lanza killed 20 children and six adults at Sandy Hook Elementary, but heck, it's hard to keep track when so many people are being mowed down these days.

You've got to admit, LaPierre's plan is genius. I mean, who can argue with an armed guard at a school? I would posit, however, that his proposal just doesn't go far enough.

Sure, an armed guard is great. (A platoon of 'em would be even better.) But don't tell me you're gonna give your guard a Glock pea-shooter to take on some heavily armed maniac with a semi-automatic long gun?

At the very least, these guards are going to need AR-15s and butt-loads of ammo.


Plus, all of 'em should be trained in how to bump fire their weapons, in case they have to rain lead on some fruitcake attacking the school. Bump-firing is a technique where you can make a semi-automatic weapon fire kinda-sorta like an automatic weapon.

Thing is, it's hard to aim when you're bump-firing from the hip. So maybe we should outfit their ARs with a bump-fire stock, an ingenious device you just add to the weapon, which uses the rifle's recoil to help you achieve rapid bursts of fire.

According to one video demo I watched, a 20 round magazine is spent in just 1.6 seconds, 30 rounds in 2.4 seconds. This, with the use of the slide stock. It's legal, approved by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives, and totally badass.

(Just do a YouTube search for "bump fire," and you'll be hooked.)

Oh, and one Army tank per school might be good, too. For the effect of deterrence, if nothing else. It's the very least we can do to protect the kids, our most valuable resource.

A positive side effect of all this is a boost to the economy. Think of all the people who could be employed, all the guns that would be sold. The cost of training and ammunition. What a great way to prime the proverbial pump. Better than a war, even.

What the pinko liberals who so rudely and seditiously interrupted Mr. LaPierre today don't understand is that guns, gun manufacturers and gun pimps like those at the NRA aren't to blame for this problem with mass killings at schools, theaters, malls, etc

Nope, it's "vicious, violent video games" like Grand Theft Auto and Mortal Kombat, and "blood-soaked slasher films" like American Psycho.

Wait a sec, slasher films involve knives. And were there any semi-automatic ARs in American Psycho? I forget. Jeez, that film's nearly 13 years old.

Anyway, it's like Mr. LaPierre said, "Isn't fantasizing about killing people as a way to get your kicks really the filthiest form of pornography?"

Well, maybe not the filthiest. I mean, have you ever seen "Two Girls One Cup" or even "Lemon Party"? Gross. I'd rather watch American Psycho any day.

Still, I get Wayne's point. The Dark Knight Rises killed those people in Aurora, Colorado, not James Holmes and his guns.

And what about Sandy Hook? I'll betcha anything Lanza had been watching HBO's Boardwalk Empire or FX's Sons of Anarchy before he shot his mom in the noggin, and headed out to kill some more.

What other explanation could there possibly be?

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons