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PROPOSITION ME!

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You should: Fight off your true feelings long enough to vote yes. THE IMPORTANT PROPS Prop 301: Part one of our King Day quinella gives us a paid state holiday on the third Monday of January and lowers Columbus' holiday status to nonpaid. My spin: Marvin Gaye, Dizzy Gillespie, Ray Charles, James Brown.

On the other hand: David Duke, Bull Connor, George Wallace, Evan Mecham. Scary fact: Arizona is one of only three states that don't have a Martin Luther King Jr. holiday. (Answer to special Cap'n Dave political brainteaser: Montana and New Hampshire.) You should: Abstain from this one but vote yes on 302.

Prop 302: 'Lumbo gets to keep his holiday in this version, and Dr. King gets a day of his own, which he deserves. My spin: Creates an additional paid holiday for state workers. On the other hand: What kind of shriveled-up grind do you have to be to make the argument that we already have too many holidays? I know the answer to that: You're a shriveled-up management grind, or, worse yet, a shriveled-up company-owner grind, or, even worse yet, a shriveled-up stockholder grind. I say, next year we get some petitions together and go for about twenty more paid holidays! Yeah!

Scary fact: Ronald Reagan, Bill Shover, Bill Bidwill, and I all are on the same side of this issue. You should: Consider for a moment the vast and interesting mix of supporters of a King Day. Now consider the small band of mean pinch-butts who oppose it. Which group would you rather be trapped inside a bowling alley with for, say, two weeks? Now vote accordingly. THE INSURANCE PROPS

Prop 105: If it passes, drivers won't be able to sue each other so much.
My spin: If it passes, insurance companies won't have to pay so much to drivers injured in car accidents. On the other hand: If it passes and some weasel runs a red light and plows into your new truck, I suggest you pull him out of his vehicle and beat the shit out of him right there on the street. You'll certainly be getting no such satisfaction in court. Scary fact: Nobody knows how many Arizona drivers are totally uninsured, but a good guess is about 40 percent. You should: Vote no.

Prop 203: This prop--known popularly as "the no-fault scam"--is a heap of Sanskrit that makes great changes in Arizona's insurance law. If it passes, no-fault policyholders will have severe limits placed on some claims, and waive the right to sue for more. If it passes, everybody gets no-fault, and you'll have to deal with your agent to get real insurance again. And, yeah, if it passes, no-faulters also get a one-time rollback on rates. Yippee-dip. My spin: I got a letter from my insurance agent about a month ago. Guess what? He suggested that I vote for both 105 and 203, and vote against that nasty 201. What he didn't explain is that one of 203's provisions will make it impossible for me to sue him if he misrepresents or lies to me about a policy or benefits.

On the other hand: Every other piece of correspondence between my insurance agent and me has involved my sending him money. And unless I get all bent up in a car wreck, he's never going to send any of that money back to me.

Scary fact: Arizona has the eleventh- highest auto-insurance rates in the nation. Nothing in the thirtysomething pages of little teeny type that explain this prop in the voter's guide will alter that statistic. You should: Give it a veto.

Prop 201: This prop, the brain child of Tucson state legislator and hellrod John Kromko, sets up all kinds of zany scenarios. It establishes an Insurance Consumer Office, straps all kinds of excellent regulations on the insurance companies--it even creates an across-the-board rate rollback for everybody who drives. My spin: As the insurance-company-financed propaganda campaign has been telling us, this prop will create a ten-million-dollars-or-more-a-year regulatory bureaucracy that won't necessarily lead to lower auto-insurance rates. Also, the rollback, great idea that it is, will probably get clobbered in court. On the other hand: It's my understanding that insurance companies take five billion-with-a-B dollars out of Arizona every year. When you're talking about that kind of jack, I don't think $10 million a year is too much, especially if it buys us a big, mean regulatory Doberman named Butch who will stand at the airport and bark at insurance executives as they deplane. Woof!

Scary facts: Arizona auto-insurance rates increased almost 10 percent last year and have doubled since 1982. For most families, insurance is the third most costly item on the budget, just below food and housing. You should: Just say, "Here, Butch!"

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Cap'n Dave