Feathered Bastard

Top Ten MCSO Babysitters Sure to Make Joe Arpaio's Head Explode

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5. Mary Rose Wilcox: The County Supervisor has been shut out of discussions on a possible appeal of the Melendres decision by County Attorney Bill Montgomery. Why? Because she's a mega-thorn in Arpaio's rear, and Monty carries water for Joe. Monty's move is bigoted in extreme, as Wilcox is the only Hispanic on the board, and 30 percent of the board's constituents are also Latino. How awesome would that be --- to have her shove Melendres down Arpaio's gizzard? Too awesome for words.

4. George Gascon: The former Mesa police chief is now San Francisco's duly elected District Attorney. While Mesa's top cop, he publicly opposed Arpaio's Hispanic-hunting sweeps and testified before Congress against them. He actually has the law enforcement chops and then some to be a monitor, but who in their right mind would trade San Fran (aka, "Heaven on Earth") for Phoenix, Arizona?

3. David Gonzales: U.S. Marshal for Arizona David Gonzales is a class act who can walk with kings and commoners, Rs and Ds, and still put boot to hindquarters if need be. A Latino Republican in a state where that's a rarity, he was appointed to his post by President George W. Bush, and reappointed by President Obama, mainly because he's an able administrator. Who better to put Arpaio in a box than a Latino law man who often is spoken of as Joe's replacement? Plus, it'd give him a dry run for taking over from Arpaio, hopefully before 2016, when Joe's up for reelection for the umpteenth time.

2. Dan Saban: Whisper Dan Saban's name in Arpaio's ear, and even now the aged autocrat will throw a temper tantrum that'd make Kanye West's last fit look like Mister Rogers after a bong hit. Saban, the ex-police chief of Buckeye, dared to take on Arpaio twice -- first as a Republican in the 2004 GOP primary for sheriff, then as a Dem in the 2008 general election. Arapio won each time, but only by playing dirty pool and smearing Saban's good name (for a refresher, Google, "SCA scandal"). Now executive director of Trident Security in Tempe, Saban would tie a saddle on ol' Joe and ride him into the sunset. And should Arpaio buck, Saban's got an extra-sharp set of spurs with Arpaio's name on 'em.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons