Feathered Bastard

Top Ten Reasons Kyrsten Sinema Should Jump to CD 7

Update: Sadly, since this list was published, Sinema has decided not to commit political seppuku and parachute into CD 7. Sigh. Looks like we may have her to kick around a la Dick Nixon for a while longer.

One week after Democratic Congressman Ed Pastor announced that he would not run for re-election in Arizona's 7th Congressional District, Machiavellian social climber extraordinaire Kyrsten Sinema, currently Democratic Congresswoman from CD9, has yet to issue a statement, saying whether she will pull a Ben Quayle and jump to Pastor's district.

Never mind that the longer she waits, she encourages divisions between Latino Dems who rightfully see CD7 as their district -- because it intentionally was carved 2-to-1 Hispanic by Arizona's Independent Redistricting Commission -- and white liberals who adore her despite her Blue Dog status and couldn't care less that a possible Sinema switch might hand the competitively drawn CD9 to a Republican.

Personally, I'd love to see Sinema jump into a Democratic primary in CD7, already crowded with talented Latino pols. Why? Because she'd become the most hated person in the Arizona Democratic Party, and it would be the end of an unusually self-centered political career from a politician who could give Sheriff Joe Arpaio lessons in narcissism.

So here are the Top 10 reasons Sinema should run. C'mon, Congresswoman, go for it! What are you waiting for?

10) Remember when the National Association of Latino Elected and Appointed Officials thought she was Latina? Why let a good rumor go to waste?

9) Because being a "Prada socialist" really sells in the barrio.

8) Are you kidding? Here's the chance to explain why she jumped on the anti-migrant bandwagon in 2011 with her own drop-house bill.

7) 'Cause both DA Morales of Three Sonorans fame and Phoenix radio bad boy Carlos Galindo will skewer her like an Easter pig.

6) Why should Steve Gallardo get all the limelight for coming out as gay? Bisexuality ain't chopped liver, ya know.

5) All those donors who gave her a boatload of cash to run in a competitive district -- they'll understand.

4) She's always wanted to say, "Let them eat quinceañera cake!" She can get a staff member to translate.

3) If Kate Gallego can be elected councilwoman in Phoenix's District 8, this should be a cinch.

2) Hey, everyone knows it's reverse racism to tell a privileged white congresswoman to stay out of a 64 percent Latino district. Duh.

And the number one reason Kyrsten "Carpetbagger" Sinema should run in CD7:

1) Because her "boss" Russell Pearce will finally get to campaign for her.

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons