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"A lot of people feel we've been at odds over things," stated Bryant in a veritable Hiroshima of understatement. "I don't truly feel that we have."

The chief declined to comment on the proposed ordinance. Bryant warned that it was only a draft and was not guaranteed to be on the council's next agenda. That's a good thing, as the new rule is redolent of a Harper Valley PTA sort of backstabbing, one undoubtedly cheered on by Saban foe Wilenchik.

WING-NUT RAGE

The Bird's heard his anonymous voice before. The cowardly creep's called in to this finch's phone mail to explain why the Holocaust is a hoax, why Adolf Hitler had the right idea about the Jews, and why illegal immigrants carry disease and cause crime. This time, he was angrier than usual, but still too yellow to leave name and number.

"The killer of Officer [Nick] Erfle in the line of duty was Erik Martinez," sputtered the supremacist shitkicker, "an illegal Mexican whom you let come across the border, whom you defend. To hell with you, you goddamn son of a bitch, [for] killing cops and justifying the motherfuckers who come across the border illegally. To hell with you, and to hell with New Times!"

Hey, tell us how you really feel, you racist mushmouth.

Thing is, this cornholio isn't the only one using the murder of the Phoenix Police Department's Officer Erfle to feather a nativist nest. State Representative Russell Pearce — the right-wing pol from Mesa who hugged avowed white supremacist J.T. Ready and has forwarded neo-Nazi e-mails in the past to his followers — claims Erfle's murder happened because Phoenix is a sanctuary city. That's a lie. Phoenix is not a sanctuary city just because cops are not rounding up illegals like they're actors in some cheap, '30s gangster flick.

But Pearce is no friend of the truth. Erfle's death is just another occasion for him to push his anti-brown agenda.

KTAR's reactionary attack terrier, Darrell AnKKKarlo, practically had an on-air meltdown the day after Erfle was shot, foaming, "Every time I turn around, somebody's getting killed or jacked or shot or ripped off. Hmmm, if I were a betting man, do I lay some cash down? Ah, I think they're probably illegal. Darrell, aren't you profiling [Ankarlo asks himself]? Maybe."

Interesting how a little bloodletting gives license to bigots like Ankarlo. The cops say that out of the past 10 officers offed in The PHX, three were killed by illegal aliens. Why not blame all the crime on the toothless, cracker meth-heads running 'round this burg? Can we exile them to Iran and keep undocumented kids like 18-year-old Virginia Gutierrez, an honors student popped for a bad ID and talked into signing voluntary-return paperwork that exiled her to Chihuahua?

Erfle's executioner Martinez is proof that certain illegals are asswipes. But there are plenty of all-American honky scumbags out there, too, cop-killers among them. In 2005, veteran Phoenix Police Officer David Uribe, a Latino, was gunned down during a routine traffic stop by paleface crank addict Donnie Delahanty. ("The Case of the Grim Tweaker," Paul Rubin, February 2, 2006).

What The Bird wants to know is, why are all the brown people taking the rap for Martinez? We aren't blaming all ofay suburbanites for the evil deeds of lowlife Caucasians. Reason is, the racists in our midst need a scapegoat to blame all our ills on, and illegals are it.

Hold on there a sec, hoss, and grok this logic. If illegals are to blame for our high crime rate, then wouldn't a legislative package focusing on border security and amnesty for those who're here without papers, but have otherwise obeyed the law, help solve the problem? Just such a compromise package was killed in the U.S. Senate this year. And who killed it? The same idiots who listen to Ankarlo religiously and think Russell Pearce is the Second Coming.

Like this grouse's grandpappy used to say, when you point the finger at someone else, there are at least three digits pointing backatcha.

BIRCH’S BACK!

The John Birch Society? Ain't they the doods from the '50s who thought President Dwight D. Eisenhower was a commie, fluoridation of water was a pinko plot, and Martin Luther King Jr. an agent of the Reds?

The Bird thought the JBS was something straight outta dusty ol' history books about the Cold War. But while this sarcastic sandpiper was perambulatin' around Gilbert's recent Constitution Week Fair, it came upon a section devoted to political activists, and there those balmy Birchers had not one, but two booths devoted to their crackpot conspiracy theories!

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Stephen is a former staff writer and columnist at Phoenix New Times.
Contact: Stephen Lemons