In the Hole With Quayle
It seems that Veep turned American Graduate School of International Management professor Dan Quayle is not a big favorite on the golf links--at least not among the caddies.

Pete Sager, who has caddied for Quayle "about 15 to 20 times" at Paradise Valley Country Club, says he won't do it anymore.

"Nice guy, but he's pretty cheap," says Sager.
Quayle pays $50, which is $10 to $30 below the going rate, according to Sager.

"If he's the last one out there and he's the last chance [for caddying work] and nobody else is going to go, then I'll go with him," Sager says. "But otherwise, forget it."

The Bra-ling Barrister
The Flash misses the best parties.
Phoenix police officers responded to a call in the wee hours of June 1 from a man who claimed to have been assaulted at a party. The cops--Jesse Dominguez and Angela Kress--observed scratches on the man's face and neck, and a damaged tooth. How'd it happen? they asked the man, a 26-year-old bartender named Mark.

He told them that an attorney friend of his named Nicholas Hentoff had assaulted him. Hentoff's name may sound familiar to Flashes fans: He's a critic of Sheriff Joke Arpaio and the manner in which the county jail system operates. His father is the famed New York columnist Nat Hentoff, who surely would not be pleased to read the following police narrative:

"Mark said he was with [name deleted] at [a] party, and they were going to leave because people started taking off clothing and jumping into the pool. Mark was in the kitchen when Nicholas came into the kitchen and was telling Mark, 'Don't be a big pussy,' because Mark didn't want to get into the pool. Nicholas was drunk and was naked and only had a silver bra on when he confronted Mark. . . . Mark didn't want to get naked, so Nicholas punched Mark in the left side of his face with a right closed fist. . . . Mark said he pushed Nicholas away from him and Nicholas said, 'Give me a hug before you leave or let's fight right now.' Mark said he left the house at that time."

Hentoff tells The Flash, "The police report takes the entire incident out of context. You really had to be there to appreciate the unique circumstances that gave rise to the altercation and to the filing of the police report 24 hours later."

The police didn't arrest Hentoff, so Sheriff Joke's henchmen at Madison Street Jail didn't get their mitts on him. It isn't certain if misdemeanor assault charges will be filed against the combative counselor.

Hentoff, by the way, got the bra from a fellow bather at the party.

Choose a Value, Any Value
It turns out that Governor J. Fife Symington III has a point when he says lenders ignored his financial statements when they lent his real estate partnerships millions of dollars--especially in the case of Valley National Bank (now Bank One).

On October 9, 1986, the Fifester and a partner, W. William Dane, faxed their personal financial statements to Bob Dupnik at VNB's trust and real estate department.

Symington and Dane submitted real estate schedules showing their investments. A quick glance at the schedules shows glaring inconsistencies that should have goosed even the most inattentive loan officer.

The valuations Symington and Dane placed on an office building at 1515 East Missouri make one wonder if they were talking about the same planet, let alone the same building.

Dane's financial statement, dated August 25, 1986, reported the 23,700-square-foot building had a $1.05 million mortgage and an estimated value based on an appraisal of $1.25 million. The addition gets tricky here: Dane somehow ends up with a net value of $1.475 million when the net value should be $200,000 (the estimated value minus the mortgage).

Symington's April 1, 1986, financial statement has a vastly different take on the same building. Symington claims the building had a $1.85 million mortgage--$800,000 higher than Dane. Symington also claimed the same building's market value was $3.555 million, or $2.25 million more than Dane's estimate.

At least the Fifester's subtraction was accurate, even if the other numbers weren't: He puts his net value on the building at $1.705 million.

The fast and loose numbers apparently didn't mean much then and certainly didn't in the long run. By 1990, the debt on the building exceeded its market value and Symington and Dane defaulted on the loan, whatever the amount was.

It's Not Just a Job ...
The Pooh-Bahs at the Arizona Republic were very clever in January when they fired 62 people at the same time they halted publication of the Phoenix Gazette. Many people inferred that the layoffs were the logical consequence of the Gazette's closure.

Not so--and the point was driven home at last week's National Association of Hispanic Journalists conference in Seattle, where the Republic posted a flier that stated:

Looking for that next step? A change from the routine? A place without snow shovels? That place may be The Arizona Republic, one of the nation's top 15 newspapers in circulation. We currently need: Senior Features Editor; Arts & Entertainment Editor; Page designers; Copy editors; Sports columnist; Baseball writer; Business reporters; Suburban reporters; We're also planning for other staffing needs as we continue to grow. Stop by Booth #347 at NAHJ's Career Expo so we can talk about the future--yours and ours.

Hey, we know 62 people who might qualify.
Of course, these same 62 could tell prospective Republic employees all about that talk-about-the-future stuff. Their intimate talks with management last January lasted about 10 minutes before they were shown the door, shoveled out like so much, well, not snow.