Cuff Links or Handcuffs?
Bankrupt Governor J. Fife Symington III has scraped up enough pocket change to buy back some of his most beloved belongings from the bankruptcy trustee who now controls his estate.

The Fifester's legal team has asked the U.S. Bankruptcy Court to allow His Deadbeatness to purchase library books, clothing, sports equipment and a set of cuff links from the estate.

Documents filed last month with the court say Symington is offering to pay $593 for the cuff links, $750 for the library books, $1,000 for the clothing and $1,000 for scuba and ski equipment.

The trustee has not objected to the purchases, but there is a catch: The public is welcome to bid on Symington's most prized personal possessions during an upcoming, to-be-scheduled hearing.

More National Exposure for Arizona
The Fifester's financial foibles are to be spotlighted in an upcoming issue of Time magazine.

Time's Denver bureau chief, Richard Woodbury, spent last week in Phoenix interviewing the usual suspects and perusing the mountains of records and news clippings outlining the governor's extensive problems.

Symington was reluctant to meet with Woodbury, foisting him off on his press secretary, Doug Cole (who made New Times staffers feel warm and special by expressing extreme antipathy toward us).

The Perpetually Pallid One finally consented to a February 1 interview, meeting Woodbury over breakfast at the Eggery. No word on who picked up the check.

Gila Monsters Bite Bidwill
Bill Bidwill isn't on a roll.
His Arizona Cardinals franchise is the object of derision within the NFL. He hadn't named a new head coach as of press time--he was either being his assiduously thorough old self or he couldn't find anyone desperate enough to take the job.

So what else is new? Bidwill owns one of pro sports' most dubious franchises. He's made horrific hiring and firing decisions. He couldn't draft behind an 18-wheeler. He has the personality of Sheetrock.

But Bow-tied Billy has some new pals to party with. The Flash has divined that three high-ranking members of the Gila River Indian Community were transfixed by Bidwill throughout the Super Bowl festivities. The trio shadowed the Corpulent One, sitting in on closed-door meetings, dinners, breakfasts, parties. Everywhere that hepcat Billy went, they went.

Members of the delegation will use their NFL Experience to help determine whether they should roll the dice and build Billy a domed stadium on the res.

If we're lucky, they'll buy Billy out.
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