Professional Soccer: New York Red Bulls vs. Chivas de Guadalajara of Mexico

We were pleasantly confounded recently when KTAR’s sports-radio kingpin John Gambadoro stood up to be counted in favor of football – the other kind. Of course, this was during a 10-minute tirade against English cricket, so it was probably relative, but still – soccer! Even Gambo’s partner, Mark Asher, was taken aback, blubbering something along the lines of, “Now, Gambo, here’s da ting . . .” You can count us in favor of fútbol, too, though there would have to be about 20 million more of us for pro soccer to mean jack-squat here in Fortress America, the only place in the world, seemingly, that doesn’t understand the thrill of World Cup or the exhilaration of being stomped by a dude in steel-toed boots during a brawl. Anyhoo, Gambadoro, after weighing his enthusiastic endorsement for a bit, wound up ratcheting things down to lukewarm after concluding that, all things being equal, he’s rather do a number of other things with his life than watch dudes in knee-high socks make 12 shots on goal in 60 minutes. And he’s right, of course. Professional soccer has absolutely no future here. It’s a game of stealth and strategy, a contest to see which team can choke the life out of the other most slowly. That’s why it’s always failed here and why it always will. Still, that hasn’t kept a lot of desperate, delusional people from trying, as they will once more during the match between the Red Bulls and Mexican superteam Chivas. Here’s da ting: Why not down a few ADD poppers and give it a shot? Whaddaya got to lose other than 60 minutes of your life featuring 12 shots on goal?
Wed., June 25, 8 p.m., 2008