Pretty Poison

On VH1’s date-a-hairball hit Rock of Love, the tucked-and-tied-together bag of straw that is Poison frontman Bret Michaels whispers, “Only one of you will be my rock of love.” Criminy, the last time we said anything so inane we were 9 and forced to choose between an aggie and a clearie. But every rose has its thorn, and last season’s Rock of Love winner Jes reminded Bret that relationships do suck and gunned him down on national television. Youch. The producers were partly to blame, making Lancelot and his Guinevere wait seven months to see each other at their reunion show. As the epic Whitesnake ballad says, “Love Ain’t No Stranger.”

You can meet the Cameron Diaz doppelgänger at the all-lesbian-all-the-time E-Lounge. During her guest-DJ stint, she’ll bump her cross-fade and baby-scratch skillz all up in DJ Red’s house. So did Jes use Bret to get ahead? We hope so, but probably not. Unlike some hair-band has-beens we could name, this small-town girl from Naperville, Illinois, is fiery and down to earth — even with her spokesmodel gig for the anti-establishment T-shirt line Chii Clothing Culture.

Sat., Jan. 19, 7 p.m., 2008