Merry and Bright

Everything is way cooler when it’s secretive. There are entire industries built on the fun of not knowing, from murder mystery parties to the latest Dan Brown novel. (If you don’t know, the answer is always “The Illuminati.”)

And even if you’re not a rave sort of person, not knowing where Mary X Mas Again! Will take place makes at least a little appealing, right? Just knowing that somewhere in the Valley there’s a bunch of neon-clad, faux fur-wearing weirdos, likely on their drug of choice, rubbing up against each other half naked is at least a little cool.

So if, when Christmas comes along, you find yourself bored with board games and weighed down with pie and cookies, you need to stay vigilant. Call the info line and get the deets.

Then, give an excuse about going to see a movie or something. Or just sneak out of the house. Then dance your ass off.

Sun., Dec. 25, 9 p.m., 2011