Feathered Bastard

Arizona's Top Ten News Stories of 2012

All in all, 2012 hasn't been that bad of a year. Some good stuff transpired, and some of it happened because New Times' scribes made it happen. Usually to some very deserving recipients.

The great H.L. Mencken said it long ago, and it still holds true today: "Journalism is to politician as dog is to lamp-post."

Well, that's the way it should be, and that's the way New Times plays the game. Which is why calling our product "yellow journalism" is the highest of praise.

I can promise you a steady, er, stream of such reporting from myself and my compadres in 2013. For now, here's my pick of the top 10 Arizona news stories from 2012. Plus one extra for good measure.

10) Medical Mary Jane dispensary opens in Sand Land.

Despite Maricopa County Attorney Bill Montgomery's best efforts to thwart the will of the voters, who in 2010 passed the Arizona Medical Marijuana Act, the first medical pot dispensary opened in November to the thrill of Funyuns lovers statewide. Personally, I prefer bourbon, but to each his own. If a doctor can prescribe opiates, I fail to see why they can't prescribe you ganja. Hell, the stuff should be legal anyway.

9) We have Joe Arpaio to kick around for another four years.

As Billy Joel might say, Sheriff Joe is living proof that the good die young. At 80, MariKafka County's geezer dictator seems determined to be in office when he keels over of natural causes. Sadly, the voters still want the decrepit buzzard, despite the massive corruption, lawbreaking and mismanagement that plagues his office. That's because 50.7 percent of Maricopa County voters are idiots. And there's not a goddamn thing we can do about it but wait for them to all choke on their Geritol.