Dear anyone (and everyone) who has ever considered cutting a mustache out of felt and putting it on, well, anything,
It's time to let go. Not only is your fascination with this variety of facial hair a little disturbing, it's a little late.
The mustache (as it's currently known in embroidered pillow, rubber eraser, and finger tattoo form) entered saturated popular culture around the same time you started drawing them on your enemy's middle school year book photo and quickly became the adornment of anything and everything that's graced the shelves of Urban Outfitters.
This brings us to five reasons why it's time for the mustache icon to quietly die.
5. You don't even have one.