Lame Bridal Shower Games

As my wedding date approaches, the bridal shower is afoot. I've been asked by my beloved bridesmaid who is planning the shower to find some bridal shower games I would like to play.

This has proven difficult, yet inspiring. Let's start with:

Who Am I?

Everyone gets a name tag with a famous person's name to wear on their back. People give one another clues and folks have to guess the card's identity. It's a painful, awkward process that bridal websites will try to convince you is an activity that "promotes mingling." Just promote mingling the old fashioned way with booze.

(Note: also avoid playing the other nine after the jump ...)

Make a Wedding Dress out of Toilet Paper
Everybody hates this game. The party is split into teams and each team awkwardly works together to design an ugly and unwearable wedding dress out of toilet paper that the unluckiest team member has to wear. The team who makes the best dress wins. We say leave the toilet paper in the bathroom. With so many women around, you'll need it.

Pin the Bow Tie on the Groom
This was invented because women apparently enjoy the same activities as seven-year-olds in the 1950s. Adult women shouldn't really get a kick out of being blindfolded. You know who likes to blindfold women? Rapists.

Penis Games/Themes

Okay, I admit, this can be funny at first but maybe save it for the rowdy bachelorette party. I really don't want to see my future mother-in-law sucking her cocktail out of a penis-shaped straw topper.

Word Games
Anything having to do with word scrambles, crossword puzzles, and word searches are lame, lame, LAME. They sucked in elementary school and they suck now.

Scavenger Hunt

A bride-to-be has a list a mile long of things to do. If you know what's good for you, don't give her another one.

What the Bride Will Say

The bride opens her gifts. She says things like, "thank you," "oh, this is a big one," and "I can't open this box." Someone writes her comments down. Then, after the gifts are opened, reads them aloud as if they are the bride's comments on the wedding night while she's boning her new husband. Courtesy laughs follow.

Bridal Bingo

So when old people play Bingo, it's lame. But you change "B-35" to "something blue" and it's suddenly cool to play Bingo? I'll let you in on a little secret: It's not.

Pass the Cucumber

Vulgar? Yes. Funny to watch? Sure. Fun to play? Nope. This game is like hot potato except the potato is a cucumber (or an equally phallic vegetable) and instead of using your hands, you pass it to one another by squeezing it between your knees. It's a lot of female-to-female accidental crotch-bumping. Don't play this unless everyone is drunk.

Guess The Number of (whatever crap) Is In a Jar
Hell. No.

This list is a continuation of our wedding coverage in Phoenix and beyond ... For more wedding shenanigans and resources check out 10 Annoying Wedding Trends and  Wedding Online Resources for Phoenix Brides-to-be