Five Things I Hate About Trick-Or-Treaters

​Halloween is one of my favorite holidays of the year. I love dressing up, carving pumpkins, and hiding rubber cockroaches in unexpected nooks in my house. What I don't love: People who make a mockery out of the sanctity of the holiday.

I'm generally a genial person, but come October 31st, unappreciative boo-humbuggers are the object of my vitriol -- especially those Trick-or-treaters who behave as if I don't have anything better to do with my time and money than sit by my front door with a bowl full of candy I shouldn't be eating.

Here are five things I hate about trick-or-treaters:

When my offering of sweets isn't enough:
The kid who lingers on my doorstep with an open bag, even after I've made a candy deposit, is the target of my Halloween ire. Get out of my doorway you entitled piece of shit.

Read more reasons after the jump.

When they don't say, "Trick or Treat" or "Happy Halloween" when I answer the door: The unwritten rule of Halloween: You dress up and give a holiday greeting -- I give you candy. Recent generations haven't received the memo. When I open the door to a symphony of silence and open bags, it's all I can do not to slam the door shut on their greedy little faces.

When they don't dress up: See aforementioned unwritten rule. It takes just a little time and imagination to come up with a trick-or-treat-worthy costume. Be a hobo, a gypsy or the "I like turtles" kid. Be SOMETHING!

When trick-or-treaters aren't kids: If you're old enough to get a job and buy your own candy, I don't think you should be taking mine.

When they double dip:
How many half-assed pirates do you think came to my house tonight? I recognize you from an hour ago. By the way, too many mini-candy bars can lead to diabetes.