On Sunday, May 15, New Age artist Yanni (pronounced yawn-ee) is scheduled to perform at Jobing.com Arena. I'm personally not a fan of his flowery, adult contemporary compositions, but the man has sold more than 20 million albums worldwide, and his instrumental soundscapes have been included in every Olympic Games television broadcast since 1988, so he must be doing something right for somebody.
Since many of his songs make me drowsy, I tried to think of things I could do while listening to Yanni. Here are five things for which Yanni would make a great background soundtrack:
A nap. Forget nature recordings of bird and whale songs. Put on something like Yanni's "Reflections of Passion," and you'll sleep like a baby in a white satin diaper. Your dreams will be filled with ballerinas and fuzzy mustaches, too.
A bad joke. The next time I have to sit in the waiting room at my doctor's office, maybe I'll dress up like a metal head and bring a portable stereo. I'd warn the other people in the waiting room that we were "about to rock," then blast Yanni's "Dare to Dream," which is about as raucous as Yanni gets (read: the piano melodies move slightly faster than a flatliner).
A wistful moment. Certain music is motivating when you're doing the dishes or scrubbing the floor. Yanni does not make that kind of music. But when you decide to sort through and throw out all those old love letters, putting on "Prelude & Nostalgia" might be fitting -- for about fifteen seconds, anyway.
A walk through a New Age book store. This one's kind of obvious, given the chemistry of hokiness between Yanni's music and people who burn incense called things like "spirit guide." But a song like Yanni's "If I Could Tell You" is particularly fitting - with all its obscure world instruments and glimmering melodies, it sounds like the fairies are going to fly by any second.
A colonic. Just as comedian Margaret Cho pointed out that the mellow music of Irish singer Enya "facilitates release," so does the tinkling, funky, layered jam that is Yanni's "Rainmaker."
Yanni is scheduled to perform Sunday, May 15, at Jobing.com Arena in Glendale.