Best Reader Caption for Joe Arpaio's "Birther" Investigation?

Last week, in honor of Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio's (embarrassing) investigation into the continuously debunked "birther" conspiracy theory (and the friggin' beating America's self-proclaimed "toughest sheriff" is taking in the press these days) we submitted the above cover of Globe, one of the sheriff's favorite publications, for this week's New Times You Write the Caption contest.

We had nearly 50 responses in the comment section of the post, which you can see by clicking here.

We've narrowed it down to five finalists, but only one can win the grand prize: a pay-your-own-way trip to the historic New Times building, a firm handshake, and a lukewarm glass of Phoenix's municipal tap water.

The finalists are as follows:

A) mikefrombisbee with: "Investigate ME, will you? Hey, I'm the guy who took down the French Connection AND Elvis! Fear my authority AND my posse!! I'm America's Toughest Sheri!! (Is the TV crew here?)."

B) Joe Mamma with: "With Sheriff Joe closing in on Obama true identity Obama says 'you know lets hide my Kenyan birth certificate in all of those sex crimes files in AZ, Joe will never find them there.'"

C) Tommy Collins with: "Trying to screw over our current President is our NUMBER ONE PRIORITY here at MCSO. Sex crimes in El Mirage, not so much, we don't even know if there are victims"

D) Ruben Andrade with: "In next week's Globe: Sherrif Joe Finds Loch Ness Monster's Secret Hangout! Also, are space aliens real? Sherrif Joe: 'Not in Arizona! I better not find out anyone is hiring them!'"

E) Mikey1969 with: "President Obama reacts to being probed, as Sheriff Arpaio(Inset) demonstrates his legendary probing technique, which was developed over the course of many long, lonley nights spent in Tent City. According to local legend, once you've been probed by Sheriff Arpaio, your life will never be the same."

Cast your vote below.