Death Race 2016: All The Musicians Who Died in April 2016

No doubt about it, we suffered two devastating music legend losses in April 2016, but it is heartwarming to know that alarmist podcasts like Infowars and websites have found the missing link between Merle Haggard and Prince and united them in death — yes, those geo-engineering chemtrails!

"Just to remember, both happened to be anti-government Chemtrail Activists, which included Chemtrail concerns voiced in the form of television appearances by Prince Rogers Nelson, and even a song written about Chemtrails by Merle Haggard," reports. "There were rumors that the two rich and famous entertainers were thinking about a world concert tour to bring mass attention to an esoteric but potentially one of the most horrifically sinister plots against humanity the world has ever seen."

News to me — now, everybody.

The Grim Reaper had had his own sinister plot against humanity, claiming these beloved musicians from various walks of "Pop Life."

April 2
Gato Barbieri, 83, Argentine jazz saxophonist, cause of death — pneumonia

Leandro "Gato" Barbieri played with fellow Argentinean Lalo Schifrin in the late 1950s. and trumpeter Don Cherry in the 1960s. Under his own name, he earned a Grammy for his score of Last Tango in Paris and recorded jazz albums for Impulse and later A&M Records. He is best known for his cover of Carlos Santana's "Europa," and occasionally performed it with the man himself. As Marlon Brando in Last Tango would've said, "Go get the butter."

April 4
Irma Bule, 29, Indonesian pop singer, cause of death 
 snake bite
Britney, what have you wrought? Sexy females dancing with snakes is one way for impoverished Indonesian women to earn some money for their families and make their mark in the (who knew?) highly competitive world of Indonesian pop. Ghoulish readers can see Ms. Bule get fanged in her thigh by a king cobra by searching via Google. Oddly enough, she refused to take the antidote offered to her and was declared "dead on arrival" at the hospital she was rushed to. The asking price for such snake charmless performances? 25 American dollars. It's $5 less without the snake.

But meanwhile, back in the States ...

Carlo Mastrangelo, 78, American bassist and doo-wop singer of The Belmonts

Mastrangelo joined voices with fellow Italians Dion DiMucci and the Belmonts. Try to imagine "I Wonder Why" without Carlo's basso profundo.

Dorothy Schwartz, 89, American singer of The Chordettes
Whenever movie makers want to capture the scrubbed clean innocence of the '50s, they license Chordettes songs like "Lollipop" and "Mr. Sandman." Hell, you can find both songs in the video games Mafia II and Lollipop Chainsaw!

April 5
Leon Haywood, 74, American funk and soul singer 

He worked with Dyke and the Blazers before scoring his first hit with "It's Got to Be Mellow" in 1967. But it's his 1975 funk classic, "I Want'a Do Something Freaky to You," which will live on in samples by Dr. Dre, Redman, 50 Cent and A-1, to name a few. And let's not forget his lasting contribution to pop vernacular — "Tenderoni" in 1984!

April 6
Dennis Davis, 64, American drummer (David Bowie, Stevie Wonder), cause of death 
Davis played on more Bowie albums than any other drummer: the stretch between 1975's Young Americans through 1980's Scary Monsters. He also  played with Stevie Wonder from 1979 to 1986. The standout drum sound he achieved with Bowie and Eno on Low — part drums, part trash compactor — is an unnatural thing of beauty.