Slutty Wallet: "Lose Your Dignity, Not Your Wallet"

Hey, sluts, tired of carrying around your fake ID, mascara, and Plan B? Purses can be such cock blockers. You have you have to lug them around and worry about losing them when you're bingeing on shots, plus they cover up what little clothing you are wearing...

By Katie Johnson

October 30, 2013

[
        {
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Inline Content - Mobile Display Size",
          "component": "18478561",
          "insertPoint": "2",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "2"
        },{
          "name": "Editor Picks",
          "component": "16759093",
          "insertPoint": "4",
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "1"
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "17980324",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Air - MediumRectangle - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "16759092",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 8,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "7",
          "maxInsertions": 25
        },{
          "name": "Inline Links",
          "component": "17980324",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 24
        },{
          "name": "Air - Leaderboard Tower - Combo - Inline Content",
          "component": "16759094",
          "insertPoint": "8th",
          "startingPoint": 12,
          "requiredCountToDisplay": "11",
          "maxInsertions": 24
        }
      ]

Hey, sluts, tired of carrying around your fake ID, mascara, and Plan B?

Purses can be such cock blockers. You have you have to lug them around and worry about losing them when you're bingeing on shots, plus they cover up what little clothing you are wearing.

Thankfully, the good folks at Ricky's NYC have a solution for tethered tramps on the go. Apparently, a Ricky's NYC exclusive, the slutty wallet is a $10 accessory that let's you "lose your dignity, not your wallet."

Aside from the fact that this invention already exists under a multitude of names -- leg pouch, thigh wallet, garter purse -- and the understanding that there are plenty of reasons for discreetly storing your belongings outside that don't include being a whore, it's the term "slutty wallet" that really gets under our skin, or rather clothes.

If we're going to start renaming products after their owners' stereotypes, we have quite a lot of work to do.

Beanies? Nope. Now they're douche caps. Men's jewelry? Try never-gonna-get-laid bracelets.

As for Corvettes, we'll just go ahead and call them tiny-dick mobiles.

Follow Jackalope Ranch on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest.

KEEP NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. Your membership allows us to continue offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food, and culture with no paywalls. You can support us by joining as a member for as little as $1.