BEST BALLS 2005 | Calf Fries at Stockyards Restaurant | Food & Drink | Phoenix
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BEST BALLS

Calf Fries at Stockyards Restaurant

Jacob Tyler Dunn
Come on down to the sign of E.A. Tovrea's "circle-walking-L" brand, and enter an era where the men were men, the women wore dresses, and the calves were scared. And no, they weren't afraid of any, er, animal husbandry. Rather, it was all those cowpokes walking around with buckets filled with the gonads of their brethren. See, "calf fries" are just a euphemism for the testicles of young calves, fried up and served with a spicy chipotle relish. Tastes like chicken? No, tastes like veal, which it is. Very soft and juicy veal, as you might expect considering the source. The same glands from not-so-young cattle are often referred to as "mountain" or "prairie" oysters. We get the oyster part, because there is something about the texture which is, well, oystery. And "prairie" makes sense. But "mountain"? When's the last time you saw a cow on a mountain? Anyway, the Stockyards was once the biggest feed lot in the West, if not the country, supporting 40,000 head. The feed lot came first, the restaurant second, to feed the cowboys and cattle barons, folk not terribly squeamish about eating cow cojónes. That's how the tradition began, and now that the Stockyards has reopened after a long renovation, even a tenderfoot like you can enjoy a platter of the best balls in the Valley. Yum.

BEST CANTONESE-STYLE DUCK

Super Dragon Restaurant

Super Dragon is probably the most consistent neighborhood Chinese eatery in the Valley, serving up mainly Cantonese-style fare in a clean, pleasant environment with superior service. Standards such as cashew chicken and walnut prawns never disappoint, but our faves on Super Dragon's menu are the Cantonese roasted duck, and the braised duck with mixed veggies. In both cases, the duck is flavorful and juicy, a feast for the senses that only Daffy and Donald would have trouble noshing. Whenever we ease our haunches into one of Super Dragon's booths, the waiters always know what we want, and after we get it, they know those duck-laden platters are gonna end up with a tongue-bath by the end of our stay. Super Dragon also does an excellent Peking duck, i.e., a whole, roasted duck with a crispy skin, plum sauce, and Chinese crepes. As if that weren't enough, the place stays open late, 'til 10:30 p.m. daily. Super Dragon, indeed!

BEST BIRD

The Squab at Zinc Bistro

David Holden
There's something about squab that sounds so PBS. A dish some pudgy, truculent barrister should be supping on with a glass of sherry at hand. And when you get right down to it, squab, or domesticated pigeon, is about the last thing you'll see on menus these days, even at better restaurants in town. Too bad, because the flesh of this four-week-old bird is dark and succulent, far more delicious than Charlie chicken or Tom turkey. However, Zinc Bistro is known for providing a classic French bistro experience in the middle of the desert, right down to the look of its interior and the waiters in ties and vests. The best appetizer on the menu is a seared LaBelle Farms squab leg and breast, topped by foie gras, seated on a bed of mascarpone polenta, with cipollini braised in a honey liquor. If Zinc served nothing else but this, it would be worth the drive to Kierland Commons to try it. Even if that drive began in Oregon!

BEST FLAN

Asi Es La Vida

The folks at Asi Es La Vida offer up a twist on this Mexican custard that's currently our fave: its flan Napolitano, which, no, is not named after Governor Janet. Of course, we asked the folks over at Asi Es La Vida why it was called Napolitano, and they didn't know either! But they were able to tell us that this thicker, cakier version of the traditional flan is made using cream cheese, which explains the cheesecake-like texture that results. We've had flan Napolitanos elsewhere, but never as good as at Asi Es La Vida. And it should be a popular dessert with Republicans, as it's the only time they'll be able to stick a fork in a Napolitano and get away with it.

BEST TIRAMISU

Radda Café-Bar

Maybe it's because tiramisu tastes so sinful that stories linger about this Tuscan trifle being so popular with Italian whores, who used it as their "pick me up" (the English translation of tiramisu) between clients. Or maybe it's because Eye-ties tend to be rather sensual. After all, are there any Fellini films that do not feature prostitutes? Heck, we know we'd turn tricks in Rome for just one goblet of Scottsdale trattoria Radda's tiramisu. It's the creation of chef Lori Hassler, who runs the hip little spot along with her band of youthful restaurateurs, and since we tasted Hassler's tiramisu late last year, it's become the yardstick by which we judge all others. Could it be the savoiardi (ladyfingers) dipped in strong coffee, espresso and amaretto? Or the made-from-scratch cream of mascarpone, eggs, sugar and Marsala? All we know is it tastes so delightful served in those bulbous wineglasses that many a nosher has been known to swipe them from the premises! Egad, and we thought our collection was going to be one of a kind.

BEST TENNESSEE TIRAMISU

Calico Cow Central

The trailer park treat that's sweet to eat, and easy on your gum and cheek. Also known as Tennessee tiramisu or Carolina crème brûlée. Every Southerner worth his mud flaps knows what we're talking about. Banana pudding. Trifle of the Gods. The stuff Southern Culture on the Skids sings about on their classic CD Plastic Seat Sweat, wherein co-vocalists Mary Huff and Rick Miller croon an ode to "day old banana puddin'." It's good stuff, but difficult to find, unless you head over to Calico Cow Central, where they serve a tasty version with de rigueur slices of "naner," as we call the fruit down South, as well as vanilla wafers. The current incarnation of Calico Cow Central is in a historic building, once the site of the Phoenix Country Club, and it boasts a menu heavy on comfort food. But we're feelin' that banana puddin' most of all, y'all.

BEST CHOCOLATE CAKE

Zoës Kitchen

In our house, grandma is GaGa, and she's best known for her brisket. We're not sure who YaYa is, the name behind Zoës' delicious chocolate cake, but that's enough for us. There's nothing fancy about YaYa's Homemade Chocolate Sheet Cake, and that's the way we like it. This chocolate cake with chocolate icing tastes like you baked it yourself with some help from another famous lady named Betty -- but way better. Creamier, richer, more chocolaty. We're grateful for YaYa's chocolate cake, and more than that, we're grateful that rather than brisket, Zoës' main course consists mainly of chicken and salad, so we can justify dessert.

BEST CUPPA HOT CHOCOLATE

Cowboy Ciao

Heather Hoch
The folks at Cowboy Ciao are good cooks and good writers. Their menu is a work of art, with funny quotes from customers ("Sprinkle my ashes over Cowboy Ciao"), thorough descriptions (the Buffalo Carpaccio is rubbed with espresso and cumin) and creative names (an octopus/spinach mix is called the Big Biceps Salad).

But no name, no description, can do justice to our favorite dessert at this cowboy-chic spot. The menu dutifully lists the ingredients of the Cuppa Red Hot Chocolate: cinnamon-spiked chocolate pot de crème with chipotle crema, ancho chile honey, and cayenne-spiked ginger cookie. But nothing will prepare you for the impossibly thick chocolate (custard, pudding, mousse? We're at a loss, but it's the richest chocolate you'll ever taste) beneath a foam of what looks like the top of a cappuccino. Put a bite in your mouth and you'll immediately taste the cinnamon, then the chocolate, then a hard kick from the chipotle.

We give up. We can't describe the experience. You'll just have to trust us. Try it, and you'll be at a loss for words yourself, trying to explain to friends and family why they absolutely must run over to Cowboy Ciao for, um, a cup of hot chocolate.

BEST REASON TO GO OUT IN YOUR JAMMIES

Cereality

Thanks to local entrepreneur David Roth and his pal Rick Bacher, your inner child need never go hungry again. The duo last year launched Cereality, a Tempe-based cereal bar that allows the fourth grader in you to mix Sugar Smacks with Fruity Pebbles and call it dinner; to feast (in public!) on Frankenberry sopped with chocolate milk. Cereality turned a profit just two months after opening its flagship in ASU's Memorial Union, then launched plans for a nationwide chain (they've opened stores in Chicago and Philadelphia thus far) devoted to pushing Post Toasties topped with all manner of sugary crap -- candy, yogurt-covered nuts, even other cereals -- served up all day long by pajama-clad counter help called "cereologists." We like that there's a place we can go to order Grape Nuts topped with Gummi worms, and are especially proud to tell people that such a place originated here in the Valley. Then again, where else?

BEST DOWNTOWN BREAKFAST

Matt's Big Breakfast

Matt's Big Breakfast
Matt's Big Breakfast serves a big-tasting breakfast in a sweet, sunny little diner, and if you don't time it right, you'll have to wait for a table. But it's worth it for the thick (yet still crispy) bacon alone; you might also want to sample the fresh orange juice, omelets and whole-wheat toast while you're there. The coffee's strong, and so is the chance you'll run into someone you know -- this has become downtown Phoenix's hipster hangout for the morning meal. If you can't stand that, stay away from Matt's kitchen. If that doesn't bother you, stick around -- Matt serves breakfast 'til 2 p.m., and at lunchtime, you can get a great Cobb salad.

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