BEST HAPPY HOUR 2005 | Susie's Mexican Cafe | People & Places | Phoenix
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BEST HAPPY HOUR

Susie's Mexican Cafe

We've had a long, hard day of keeping our noses to the grindstone, but now it's quitting time and we're plenty parched. We need a place to quench our thirst and drown our sorrows, cheap. While nearly every local bar, tavern and saloon offers the ubiquitous happy hour, few are as inexpensive as this popular cantina-style Mexican eatery located on University Drive near Loop 101. We're familiar with the joint, having spent many a noontime hour enjoying its dozen or so $5 lunch specials as well as its penny beers. But now we're making the trip out to east Tempe every weekday from 4 until 7 p.m. to whet our whistle with 95-cent pints of Miller Lite, Budweiser, Bud Light, and Michelob Ultra. We're not the only ones looking to satisfy our dual cravings for refreshment and savings, as plenty of cotton-mouthed ASU college kids and businessmen are also in the house, both drinking it up and yukking it up. With apologies to the people at Circle K, Susie's offers the best thirst buster in town.

BEST POLITICIAN

Governor Janet Napolitano

Sure, we've picked on Governor Janet in the past, but only because we have such high expectations for our favorite daughter. The 47-year-old University of Virginia law school graduate is on track to become the next major national political figure to emerge from our fair state. She's already served as the U.S. Attorney for the District of Arizona and was elected as Arizona Attorney General in 1998. Last year, she scored points with Senator John Kerry during the presidential campaign. Since she was elected governor in November 2002 -- no small feat for a woman with a D after her name -- the maven of moderates has made mincemeat of the state's GOP-ized Legislature. Her supercharged intellect, quick wit and take-no-prisoners style has scared off any serious contender to challenge her bid for reelection in 2006. We won't be surprised to find her in the U.S. Senate one day soon. With Sandra Day O'Connor retiring from the Supreme Court and Senator John McCain entering into the twilight of his career, Napolitano is Arizona's best bet to carry forward the Grand Canyon State's long and impressive performance on the national political stage. Go, Janet! We'll be watching.

BEST PLACE TO GET DRUNK ON A DIME

Blaze Nightclub

Find a penny, buy a drink: Every Friday and Saturday night, Blaze hosts "1 Cent Night," where lushes can enjoy penny U-Call-Its from 8 to 11 p.m. The special includes top-shelf liquors like Hennessy, Hypnotiq, and Kahlúa, so your dates will think you're spending lots of moola for them to imbibe, when you're really not spending any more than you would spend on, say, one of those "prizes" from the quarter machines at retail stores. So bring a dime, have 10 drinks, and be a dancin' fool. At the end of the night, you should have more than enough to spring for a cab ride home.

BEST SMALL-TOWN MAYOR

Phoenix Mayor Phil Gordon

Is Phil Gordon really the mayor of the fifth-largest city in the nation? If so, why does his "vision" for downtown look strangely like Ahwatukee? Whether it's making sure Phoenix library computers are filtered, the endorsement of wing-nut County Attorney Andy Thomas, or the addition of "front porch" benches at Sky Harbor Airport -- part of his cornball campaign for a family-friendly utopia where we all sit on our benches in the 100-degree heat and keep an eye on our neighborhoods -- it's all about turning Phoenix into Mayberry, RFD. Doesn't Mayor Goober, er, we mean Gordon, realize that many of us would rather live in a real city than in the kind of Podunk paradise he prefers? Apparently not.

BEST BYOB

Giuseppe's on 28th

Jamie Peachey
We don't like whining about wine, but the vino prices at restaurants these days are through the roof! All we want is a little bottle of Chianti or a nice Pinot Noir to slurp with our meal, but the bottle that costs you $12 at Cost Plus might go for two or three times that much in the most modest of grub shacks. Fortunately, there are still some places around that'll let you schlep in your own fermented grape juice for a small fee. At Giuseppe's, it's a mere $3, whether you're chugging Boone's Farm or sipping a fine Bordeaux. Owned by Richard Bock, principal cellist for the Phoenix Symphony, this storefront Eye-tie eatery has long established itself as a place where you can buy a plate of pasta that's better than most, as well as enjoy above-average bruschetta, baked ziti, lasagna, fried eggplant and so on, all for very reasonable prices. His BYOB policy seems an extension of this democratic attitude toward food and drink, and we love him for it. So cop a quart of Manischewitz or Château Mouton Rothschild, get down to Giuseppe's and start guzzling, y'all.

BEST FLASHBACK TO THE '80S

Spotting Charles Keating at El Portal

Halfway through our huevos rancheros, he walked through the door, like a prune-faced version of Clint Eastwood in High Plains Drifter: a ghost of Christmas past embodying all the corruption, avarice and prudish anti-porn politics of the Reagan years. Could it be, out from whatever rock he'd been hiding under since serving four and a half years in the federal pen for chiseling elderly investors out of hundreds of millions of dollars, that here was Charles Keating in the flesh? The same swindler who stuck the American people with a bill of billions when his Lincoln Savings went belly up in 1989 as part of the S&L scandal? The guy who had U.S. senators in his pocket back in the day, and spent his free time in futile crusades against porn magnates such as Larry Flynt? Hey, who knew he liked rice and beans? Come to find out, Keating wasn't just there to pick up a few tacos to go. According to a recent column by our own John Dougherty, Keating is helping powerful Maricopa County Supervisor Mary Rose Wilcox, the owner of El Portal, to develop a parcel of land near her restaurant, which she and hubby Earl bought at fire-sale prices from the Arizona Public Service Company. You never know, with all of the real estate speculation in downtown these days, maybe the Keating-Wilcox partnership is a harbinger of those bad old times being new again. Care for some real estate shenanigans with your machaca? Well, I don't mind if I do . . .

BEST DRUNK FOOD

Durant's debris

Tom Carlson
With the ghosts of such renowned tipplers of yore like John Wayne and Jack Durant roaming the place, it's no wonder that this Phoenix classic serves what we regard as the best drunk food ever conceived on the face of the planet. Indeed, after our fifth or sixth Crown and Coke, what we want is a plate or two of "Durant's debris." Rumored to be the leftovers of all the fine steaks served at Durant's -- hence the title "debris" -- these come as two skewers of mesquite-broiled cubes of filet mignon, rib eye, and New York strip, separated by scallions, with garlic aioli as a condiment. This Atkins-friendly appetizer soaks up quite a bit of that John Barleycorn in our tummy-tum-tums, making room for more firewater yet! Sure, you don't necessarily have to be drunk to order the debris, but where would be the fun in that?

BEST PUBLIC INFORMATION OFFICER

Lisa Allen MacPherson

If dodging and delaying are the hallmarks of a great director of communications, then Lisa Allen MacPherson is the grand master of flackdom. It's MacPherson who is responsible for turning Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio into a worldwide celebrity, with an endless stream of ridiculous publicity stunts meant to advance Joe's tough-guy persona, ranging from pink underwear to starving inmates inside the Tent City jail. MacPherson will stop at nothing in her eternal quest to pimp her media whore of a boss, and is willing to do anything to get Arpaio on television, including help entrap an innocent man charged with attempting to bomb Arpaio's car. (The man was finally acquitted after being locked in the county jail for four years, and has now filed a wrongful-arrest suit against Maricopa County.) MacPherson routinely refuses to provide accurate, timely and -- most important -- honest information about activities of the fourth-largest sheriff's office in the nation. But despite her title, Arpaio didn't hire MacPherson to direct communications. He hired her to make him famous. And she's succeeded beyond Arpaio's wildest expectations. How many other county sheriffs can you name?

BEST LOCAL BEER

Kiltlifter Scottish-Style Ale

Life is short, pallie. Nothing's guaranteed in this crazy-ass world, except that eventual date with Doctor Death, and the fact that The Man owns your ass from diapers to dust. So what's the point? Is it all so bad people will burn in Hades and goody two-shoes and snitches will get to strap on wings and kiss God's blessed hiney for infinity? Basically, all we can figure is that it's about the few creature comforts you can snatch from a rotten existence before you croak. You know, "A loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou." Except in our case, we'll take a stack of Benjies instead of that loaf of bread, a night with a supermodel instead of thou, and a case of Kiltlifter Scottish-Style Ale in bottles instead of that jug o' vino. Yes, that malty, amber ambrosia with its faint smokiness is one of the few reasons we have to live! Because we ain't got no stack of Benjies, no supermodel, and no jug of Cristal. But Kiltlifter you can boost at just about any local supermarket, Cap'n, even though it's made by the kind folks at Four Peaks Brewery in Tempe. Think of it as non-prescription Prozac, dawg, and get you some.

BEST REPUBLICAN BABE OF THE WEEK

Special Deputy Maricopa County Attorney Rachel Alexander

We certainly don't begrudge this up-and-coming pal of County Attorney Andy Thomas for her striking good looks. Cool-looking blondes in business suits actually do something for some of us. Nor do we care much either way about her political persuasion, which runs along the lines of fellow onetime "Republican BABE of the Week" honorees Ann Coulter and Laura Ingraham (go to jerseyGOP.com if you don't believe us). But Rachel, pleeeease, did anyone ever teach you the phrase "full disclosure"? In her book review of Mr. Thomas' latest tome for a Web site called intellectualconservative.com last May, Rachel wrote that "Andrew Peyton Thomas, the district attorney for Maricopa County, Arizona, and a graduate of Harvard Law School, has put together a well-written, intriguing exposé on the state of free speech at his alma mater, providing an insider's perspective of the top law professors in the country." Never mind that, for God's sake, Rachel, the guy hired you as one of his SPECIAL ASSISTANTS. Even your narrowly focused audience might have liked to know that tidbit, don't ya think? Still, you look pretty good in that business suit . . .

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