In the future, there will be nothing but lists, lists, and more lists. We will worship lists as the ancient Egyptians once venerated the sun. There's no use in resisting. So take a sedative, a hit of Scotch, a toke or two of the medical-grade shit, and prepare to be listed, Feathered Bastard-style.
The following list was prepared by my compadre Jonathan McNamara, New Times' sultan of all things online. It contains Feathered Bastard's top hit-getters, pageview queens, click-magnets, and so on from 2008. I'm a little surprised we were all so obsessed with Caribou Barbie. Whatever did happen to that Ala-skin flick inspired by her that my old boss Larry Flynt was gonna produce? Or was that just a joke? You'd think they'd have it ready by now. They best hurry, while I still have room on my Visa.
5 - Sarah Palin's First Male Bimbo Eruption: National Enquirer Exposes McCain Veep's Alleged Affair
During the Clinton years, they used to call them "bimbo eruptions." Now that the National Enquirer has finally published its tell-all tale of Sarah Palin's alleged affair with a former business partner of hubby Todd, I guess we'll have to start calling them "male bimbo eruptions," "mimbo eruptions," or maybe "stud eruptions," though that kinda sounds like a gay porn video. Not that I'd know anything about gay porn, of course...full story
Last night was a night of high drama as Sheriff Joe brought his illegal immigrant dragnet to the small town of Guadalupe, and the citizens and the mayor of that city demanded Joe leave. Last night around 10:30, Guadalupe Mayor Rebecca Jimenez personally presented Joe a statement to this effect in the parking lot of the Family Dollar where the MCSO was stationed. According to Jimenez, Joe accused her of inciting a riot and informed her she had 90 days to cancel Guadalupe's contract with the MCSO to provide law enforcement to the town. Jimenez and other town council members present said they would be reviewing the MCSO's contract...full story
3 - Sorry, Republitards, If the National Enquirer's Right about Sarah Palin, It's Fair Game
Glenn Beck just can't leave poor ol' John Edwards alone. Seems like every time I tune into the wing-nut lip-flapper, he's pummeling the Edwards stallion like the story of the pol's infidelity broke yesterday, bewailing how the MSM sat on the story while the National Enquirer spewed far and wide the tale of Edwards' affair with Rielle Hunter, outing their suspected, but still unproven, love child. Yet, those mean old, liberal MSMers are all over Sarah Palin like maggots on week-old road kill...full story
2 - Consumer Alert from reporter Ray Stern: LifeLock being sued by credit agency Experian (w/UPDATE)
LifeLock, the ethics-challenged, Tempe-based company featured in two investigative New Times articles last year, has been slammed with a federal lawsuit that aims to deliver the business equivalent of a mortal blow...full story
1 - More Religious Wackjobbery? The Sarah Palin "Witchcraft" Video
Well, if this doesn't knock the shine off Sarah Palin's star, I don't know what will. In the latest YouTube video of Palin worshiping at her hometown church Wasilla Assembly of God, Palin is prayed over by a witch-hunting Kenyan pastor by the name of Thomas Muthee, who asks God to "bring finances her way...in the name of Jesus," and declares that, "Every form of witchcraft, it will be rebuked in the name of Jesus."...full story
