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Epic Meal Time Makes an Epic Mistake: An Open Letter from an Unhappy Fan

For a while there, I thought you could do no wrong, Epic Meal Time (EMT).

For weeks, it was hit after hit. Sure, I worried your schtick would get old, but ingenious episode ideas like hilarious fan inclusions (Meat Building 101), awesome special guests (Deadmau5), and a whole new, sugary take on BBQ kept my faith in your gluttonous manifesto alive.

You continued to raise that bar of culinary excess, and all was right (and greasy) with the world...

until you had your Drunken Mess...

Yesterday, you posted your latest episode (see above). Yet, instead of showcasing one of the outrageously large, deep-fried, bacon-wrapped food monstrosities you are known and loved for, you chose to give your fans this:

It was 4 minutes and 48 seconds of boring, drunken self-fellation. Little style and absolutely no substance. The writing was bad, the delivery was forced, and the food was uninspired, lazy and (worst of all) bacon-less. What happened? Did you guys get picked up by G4 TV?

This time, your usually endearingly bombastic roles as loudmouthed culinary gangsters came off as little more than obnoxious, Jersey Shore rejects. Yes, I'll bellow BACON STRIPS at the drop of a coin, but don't yell it at annoyed passerby when you're riding in a tacky limo, like a bunch of insecure high school girls who couldn't get prom dates.

Making a spectacle out of cutting the sandwich line and calling a fan dorky? I thought I was watching an Epic Meal Time production, not a home video of a junior high douchebag that never grew up.

And what the hell is this Harley? "This time it ain't even about the bacon because I got all these beautiful women." I'm sure their plastic excitement and shrieks were the result of the promise of a pay check being around such stars.

And the titular food? That was just insulting guys. Wrapping a poutine-covered chicken sandwich in pizza does not belong in the same house as the "TurBaconEpic," "Tequila Taco Night" or even the ""Fast Food Pizza"."

The calorie count didn't even break 16,000. What gives EMT?

Epic Meal Time, we gave you our money for two reasons.

1. Your advertisements, like the vast majority of your stuff, were brutally upfront and hilarious.

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2. We wanted to see you continue what you did best: Make massive amounts of horribly unhealthy, bacon-laden foods while the style and realness only EMT can deliver.

We did not, however, give you that money to parade around like assholes on the E! Channel. Remember, that was bacon ca$h.

I don't mean to be a hater, but next week, don't give us the same trash we can find on cable television. Go back to your roots Epic Meal Time, and elevate the game.

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