Cafe Reviews

IHOP at Home: New Frozen Pastries Politely Request We Take Our Drunken Asses Home

IHOP, the breakfast joint chain best visited following an evening of drunken debauchery, recently launched IHOP at Home, a new line of "premium frozen breakfast items that are inspired by the innovative and craveable flavors IHOP is known and loved for."

Huh?

IHOP's new frozen breakfast line includes Omelet Crispers (cheese, bacon, or sausage), French Toast Stuffed Pastries (strawberry cream cheese filling anyone?), and Griddle 'n Sausage Wraps. What? No Nutella Crepes?

Funny FAQ's after the jump.

Here's a few things you should know before purchasing IHOP at Home frozen pastry products (per the FAQ page):

1. They are not kosher or gluten-free

2. They do not come from Japan

3. They cannot be deep-fried or pan-fried

4. They cannot be purchased at IHOP locations

Sure the whole thing is laughable, but haven't we brought this on ourselves? The screaming, the syrup fights, dirty whip cream pics, waffles on the floor -- good times for sure, but for IHOP, one big reason to direct our drunken asses out of the restaurant and into the frozen foods section of Walmart.

What say you IHOP wafflers? Would you purchase any of the IHOP at Home frozen pastry items or are you stickin' with your Eggo?

Follow Chow Bella on Facebook and Twitter  
KEEP PHOENIX NEW TIMES FREE... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we'd like to keep it that way. With local media under siege, it's more important than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" program, allowing us to keep offering readers access to our incisive coverage of local news, food and culture with no paywalls.
Laura Hahnefeld
Contact: Laura Hahnefeld