4
| Events |

Iron Chef America's Mark Dacascos' Raceway Material Needs Work

^
Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

Last week, Mark Dacascos (CALL ME!), who plays "the Chairman" on Food Network's television series Iron Chef America, as well as Wo Fat, the recurring villain in the reboot of Hawaii Five-0 on CBS, did some laps in a pace car at the Phoenix International Raceway and then told a joke that wasn't very good. See what you think:

"This is the best video game in the world, now I get it!"

Skippity skid marks, that's not a very good joke! If you're going to exceed speeds of 100 miles per hour, you better have a good joke to elicit some chuckles so you can catch your breath, put your silky hair back in place, and wipe the sweat from your most-perfect chest.

Here's some alternatives, Mark:

(Cheesy sound effects and martial arts moves go with each of these 'cause duh, the Chairman rolls like that.)

"Today's secret ingredient is...WHEEEEEEEE!"

"Suckling pig! Pineapple! Beeeer! Pace car! Crazy! Fast! Whoa!"

"In the words of my uncle: Holy shit, did you see how freakin' fast I was going?"

"Let the BATTLE BEGIN -- to get your keys back!"

"Stay outta my...turbo trail!"

Yes? No? Sheesh, maybe just leave it to a professional.

Follow Chow Bella on Facebook and Twitter.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.

 

Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.