Laurie Notaro's Eight Food(ie) Terms Past Their Expiration Dates

Some people, such as readers of Eatocracy, followers of multiple food blogs, and Food Network devotees, consider themselves as inductees in a special club of "culinary provocateurs" who rise far above the standard chewers of mealtime. So much to the point that as any exclusive rank, they've invented their own language, like twins who didn't eat each other in the womb, or a feral Jodie Foster living secretly in the woods.

Chicka, Chicka, chickabee.

Anyway, below are the most horrific examples of Foodiespeak, gathered from all sources. Naturally, I believe a punishment schedule should be enforced so the rest of us don't have to tolerate this nonsense as it invades menus, cooking shows, and conversations overheard from the asshole in the booth behind us that will eventually cause a spoon-related attack, mark my words. The ones you can understand.

8. Amuse Bouche
Thanks, Padma Lakshmi, for bringing this gem to the forefront when you could have just said, "appetizer," or even more truthfully, "jalapeño popper." Now every guy who owns a can of hair fixative is busy telling his guests that spray cheese on a Triscuit is something super classy, like dip in a bread bowl. Amuse your own mouth, Padma; you have an illegitimate baby. You do.
Punishment: be made to eat dip AND the bread bowl.

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Laurie Notaro