echo ''."\n";

Waiter Confidential: Meet Bob

Keep New Times Free
I Support
  • Local
  • Community
  • Journalism
  • logo

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

Meet Bob. Talk about a major tool. Bob's one of those types who makes us hard working restaurant stiffs wince over the thought of having to accommodate him.

Bob's friends and family insist he's just hard to please. Every time he comes in, everyone with him seems to take turns apologizing for his condescending and contentious demeanor.

"Don't take it personally," someone in Bob's enabling posse will say. "Bob always sends his steak back. He's very picky." Bullshit. Bob couldn't care less about what's on his plate. He's all about eating up the attention that acting like an asshole brings him.

So, Bob always goes balls-to-the-wall. He sends drinks back to the bar unless and until they look and taste just so. He belittles everything from portion sizes to service, making it plain that nothing about the restaurant measures up to his standards.

And he returns regularly to do so.

"Bob's hard, I know," Bob's wife will tell me as she's walking out three steps behind him, so she can slip me a little extra tip money for my trouble. Not surprisingly, Bob comes up a little short in that department. "Thanks for taking it all in stride," is what she says, time and again.

FYI, Ma'am: Bob's a huge dick, granted, but he's no big deal. Because comparing your husband's personality package to that of the general dining population, I have to say, Bob's hung like a housecat.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

We use cookies to collect and analyze information on site performance and usage, and to enhance and customize content and advertisements. By clicking 'X' or continuing to use the site, you agree to allow cookies to be placed. To find out more, visit our cookies policy and our privacy policy.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.


Join the New Times community and help support independent local journalism in Phoenix.