Grooms on the Cupcake

With Terry Goddard and Janet Napolitano around, you'd think gay marriage would have a chance in Arizona. Think again.

If Governor Janet Napolitano isn't a lesbian, I'll eat your hat. She is a walking, one-woman LPGA tour all by herself.

It may be the thing I like best about her.

I've known Attorney General Terry Goddard almost from the first moment he entered politics, and I've never known a time when his sexual identity wasn't the object of idle gossip among the ladies who lunch.

As newly elected leaders in a traditionally conservative state, the two of them have put a face on dignity in Arizona.

Governor Napolitano has appeared on the cover of local gay publications holding forth in dewy-eyed interviews. Goddard, the state's top prosecutor, was honorary co-chair of the Arizona Human Rights Fund awards dinner this past June. He shared the limelight at the gay ball with his wife.

So you would think that queer pride would have a shot in Arizona today.

You would be mistaken.

Attorney General Goddard led the legal attack last week in the Arizona Court of Appeals on a gay couple's effort to secure a marriage license. Governor Napolitano suffered from the silence of the dead.

While mute on the gay lawsuit, Governor Napolitano did find her voice, repeatedly, on the intricacies of the gas pipeline break in southern Arizona. Last week she was all over the fumbling energy company in the state's media.

Is there a single reader who believes that Governor Janet knows more about pipelines than she knows about Martina Navratilova?

The brawl that Governor Napolitano ducked is a cage fight, but the issues are simple.

Gay couples deserve state-sanctioned marriages. They own the same right to raise families as the rest of us. Queer estates must be protected by the strongest contract a court recognizes, the marriage contract.

And what the hell is the point of having a couple of stiffs like Goddard and Napolitano in office if the only contract they recognize is the contract with America?

I guess I am supposed to be happy, to consider it progress, that in Arizona we're not stapling faggots to fence posts like they did in Wyoming; well, I expect better, and with leadership, I think the people of this state will accept more.

We elected Goddard and Napolitano, after all, and they are icons in the gay community.

Yet neither would stand up for the most fundamental grievance, that most basic right, the desire of gay couples to have sanctioned relationships protected by law. Goddard's office, in fact, led the legal assault against the couple that sought the court's relief.

On July 1, Harold Donald Standhardt and Tod Alan Keltner, 34 and 36, applied for a marriage license. The Maricopa County Clerk of the Superior Court refused to process the paperwork.

Standhardt and Keltner could have gone away quietly. Most gay couples can find ways to formalize their relationships, and if they are prepared to weather a blizzard of contracts and forms, they can erect some protection for property. The Valley is also full of stories of gay couples who have found their way to parenthood.

But Standhardt and Keltner were not interested in sneaking around, nor did they feel like they should endure a cat's cradle of legal paperwork to protect what the rest of us secure with a simple license.

Instead, they retained the services of attorney Michael S. Ryan, who promptly sought the protection of Arizona's constitution as well as America's.

Ryan, part of that gaggle of dirty-shirt lawyers in the Luhrs building that seem to single-handedly represent an unruly wing of the bar, believes in causes. And with gay marriage, Ryan believes the civil rights question is reaching critical mass. That, in fact, polling shows, the general public is much more tolerant than the politicians.

"I think it's coming because it's the right thing," explains Ryan.

Despite what you may believe, the constitution, the laws that flow from it, and the definition of marriage are constantly shifting. Marriage between races was legally forbidden in this country until 1967.

In a response to Attorney General Goddard's rhetorical citings, Ryan reminded the court that the law once held that "the very being or legal existence of the woman is suspended during the marriage . . . thus a married woman could not enter into a binding contract without her husband's permission . . . men could beat their wives under the related chastisement doctrine . . . men could also rape their wives . . . married women were not even allowed to use their maiden names."

In denying a woman the right to become an attorney, a robed justice had once opined, "The paramount destiny and mission of women are to fulfill the noble and benign office of wife and mother. This is the law of the Creator."

(If Goddard's mouthpiece in the appellate court arguments, assistant attorney general Kathleen P. Sweeney, exhibited goose bumps at reading these words, it was not reflected in the record.)

To inspect the evolution of marital law is to understand that the courthouse is the perfect venue to address the stupidity of the craven rabble who codify the confections of matrimonial fantasies in statutes.

And yet Michael Ryan's petition to the bench attracted unusual opposition. The Arizona chapter of the American Civil Liberties Union filed an amicus brief seeking to have the gay couple's suit dismissed.

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  • Austin 11/30/2008 12:12:00 AM

    Hey, if you get your thrills out of placing foreign objects into oracles that should not be probed and end up wearing Depends the rest of your life - far be it from me or anyone else to stop you or pedophiles or polygamists or sado masachists, etc, etc. from quickening your own demise. Being a nurse I can tell you I have seen the ravages of unnatural probing first hand. Nothing in the constitution allows me or anyone else to "peek into your bedroom", that is reserved for peeping toms, but that is not what this is all about. The issue for most of the gay population is to force others to "accept" their life style, allow them to obliterate traditional marriage and get their hands on kids that they can influence either by adoption, teaching or being a Big Brother. Total acceptance will never happen. The pedophiles and polygamists are even offended by them. Spanish and black people have a small population of gays and they take care of the problem among themselves (wink). Militant groups in this country would love to strike you dead for "un-natural acts" and if you would check history, the jews aren't too crazy about them (or the rest of us goy for that matter). All the feet stomping and yammering in the world will never change millions of years of indoctrination. Can you imagine what would happen if one of these militant groups emerged during a gay pride parade? Naturally, this is why the gay community is so offended by any of the many religions against homosexuality and therefore would like these religions to be silenced, discredited or better still just disappear. But if we have to be tolerant of homosexuals, then we have to be tolerant of said militants and all the other anti-gay groups that live here or that we allow to immigrate into this country by the millions. They can and do populate quicker than gays can adopt or conceive artificially. We could argue this adnauseam but absolutes no longer exist and we live in a world controlled by primal urges. It is what it is they say and sometimes we get what we ask for.

  • votethirdpartycandidate 11/29/2008 6:43:00 PM

    This kind of bigotry is petty, mean and ignorant. A preoccupation with others' sex lives is desperate and sick. If anyone told you what you could or could not do in your bedroom, what would you say to him? Being in the majority doesn't make you right but it may make you a bully. Hitler was in the majority and I see a lot of him in America today.

  • stephen rose 11/28/2008 1:26:00 AM

    She is a better man than Janet Reno.

  • Fred 11/27/2008 8:41:00 PM

    Anything goes, now that we have Barack. He'll let Israel slide on 9/11 and bailout everyone. Gay Marriage, why not? Israel and 9/11, here: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=309228910&blogID=441442669

  • Jane J 11/27/2008 7:35:00 PM

    Oh my goodness, this man is actually ignorant enough to say what is the point of having representatives in office "whose only contract they recognize is the contract with America"? I can only assume he is talking about the United States Constitution. I guess he concurs with other such ilk that the Constitution is just a G.D. piece of paper. Surely he realizes that he and his ancestors were able to live and prosper in this country under the guarantees set out in the Constitution?? Of course, most people have never taken the time to research it and realize how vital that document is. The Homosexual agenda is to stomp their feet and threaten others over any law that forbids something they want. The latest example being the e-Harmony debacle. Name another group that has that luxury and what makes them so special that they feel "entitled" to demand laws to accomodate only them?

  • Chi0ne1 11/27/2008 5:06:00 PM

    Think outside the box people. The only difference between the dems and reps in office is that they spell their names differently. She does what her masters tell her just like the rest of the politicians. It is time to wake up.

  • Erich kronberger 11/27/2008 4:56:00 PM

    The people are the law,justice is just a formality. Thanks

  • 4w578i 11/27/2008 2:48:00 PM

    It's not the place of government to sanction my marriage, or for it to tell me to sanction yours.

  • Werner Hoermann 11/27/2008 2:23:00 PM

    By now it should be clear to everyone that the real purpose of the gay community's rush to marriage is to secure the financial benefits society grants to married couples in return for raising the next generation. I feel sorry for gays - after all, being gay is nature's way of saying that that particular DNA is not worth continuing - and wish them all happy and nurturing relationships, but stop trying to sneak into entitlements that were meant by society to induce people to breed and raise the next generation.

  • al 11/27/2008 1:52:00 PM

    So what!? what's the matter you couldn't find fault with her, so you decide to move to her bedroom? There are billions of lesbians in this world - all good human beings. And may I remind you that the great majority of productions of the arts across the Broad, have been brought forward by homosexuals.Poetry, patings, literature... Leave well enough alone!

  • Don Parker 11/27/2008 11:43:00 AM

    My God people! Why the hell don't you go ahead and move on to heaven so, the rest of can get on with the important stuff of living.

 
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