Redneck Touchdown

As The Bird detailed a couple of months back ("King of Pain," April 26), this bogus investigation of the Attorney General involves a $1.9 million dollar payment from the office of former State Treasurer David Petersen. Under state law, the AG's office is due 35 percent of all funds collected for the state through a special unit of bankruptcy lawyers, collectors, and accounting staff under the AG's authority. This $1.9 million was owed the AG's office as a percentage of funds received in a bankruptcy collection from National Century Financial Enterprises Inc.

Such money goes back into the AG's office to fund the very unit that's procuring cash from bankruptcies for the people Arizona. It's not like the scrilla sails into the pocket of the AG. Indeed, in the past five years, the AG's Tax Bankruptcy and Collections Unit has collected more than $60 million for various state entities and for the general fund. Without its cut, as mandated by the Legislature, the unit might not be able to do the difficult legal work necessary to have those funds returned.

Attorney Wilenchik, who works for the County Attorney and Nickel Bag Joe, alleges some hanky-panky because Petersen was under investigation by Goddard at the time and, ultimately, pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor. This, even though Petersen recused himself from the case.

However, as part of their hypocritical project MACE (Maricopa County Anti-Corruption Enforcement), Candy and Joke are investigating just about everybody but themselves these days. That's why this feisty finch found it funny that Wilenchik was stepping up to bat for the pair — denouncing the fact that Goddard recently cut all ties with the sheriff, on advice of outside counsel, until the geezer from hell finishes playing Nancy Drew with Goddard's office.

But Wilenchik's ties to Candy's offices don't exactly pass the smell test themselves. As former New Times scribe John Dougherty reported last year ("Bully Pulpit," June 29, 2006), Candy worked for the wily Wilenchik's law firm of Wilenchik & Bartness in the months preceding Candy's 2004 election as County Attorney. Wilenchik donated money to Candy's campaign then, and Wilenchik's been raising moolah for Candy's 2008 re-election bid, too.

Dougherty reported that Wilenchik's firm had earned $326K for legal work for the county in the year before that July column. A phone call to Wilenchik from The Bird was not immediately returned. But by the time this column goes to print, the winged wonder will have requested records from Candy of all payments to Wilenchik for services rendered.

After all, if Wilenchik's willing to allege that "bribery or attempted bribery" may have occurred in this Petersen business, and if he wants to shoot his mouth off about how Goddard's now kicking Arpaio's cases to the curb — supposedly for inappropriate political reasons — then surely Wilenchik and Candy will have no problem making their dealings transparent.

This skeptical sapsucker's convinced that the Candy-Arpaio-Wilenchik axis is attempting to smear Goddard's office because Goddard and Candy may eventually go head-to-head in a gubernatorial donnybrook. One day after Wilenchik's piece appeared in the Republic, State GOP Chairman Randy Pullen e-mailed a derisive press release to all and sundry, accusing Goddard of political payback and turning the situation into a "political circus."

Coincidence? Nah. Just means the 2010 AZ governor's race is already under way.

RUN, GOOBER, RUN

Boy, Mayor Phil "Goober" Gordon can move fast, especially with this whippoorwill on his tail.

Philly Cheesesteak had just finished giving a cock-and-bull address to about 200 or more attendees at the Maricopa County Democratic Party convention at the Carpenter Union Training Center recently, and Goober didn't let the doorknob hit him in his scrawny ass as he hightailed it to a waiting SUV outside.

This intrepid egret, who was on hand for the speechifyin', followed alongside our milquetoast Mayor, haranguing the cowardly Goober with queries as this so-called public servant fled, his head down, glowering.

"Why should any Democrat vote for you after your John McCain endorsement?" peeped this persistent pecker. "Why do you need $1 million to run for mayor of Phoenix? Aren't you really running for governor in 2010, Mayor? Why did you take $7,000 from RED Development while it had business before the city? Are you afraid of answering a tough question? Your mother's not here for you to hide behind now . . ."

The last statement was a reference to an incident in May after the mayor's State of the City address, where the pusillanimous pol hid behind his decrepit mom as The Bird assailed him with questions.

But after the Demo Party speech, Goober again refused to take the bait, hopping into the back seat of his black SUV without uttering a word. What a colossal wuss! Doesn't the guy have any pride?

Good thing for him he exited stage left when he did. If he'd remained, he would have learned how thoroughly loathed he is by the party faithful for his butt-kiss endorsement of Senator McCain.

Basically, Goober tap-danced around the 800-pound pooch on the premises, giving the congregants his same ol' tired soft-shoe about how Phoenix is a city on the rise, yadda-yadda-yadda. He then went on to remind them that he's a longtime Dem who's campaigned with Governor Napolitano and AG Goddard. The subtext: Uh, see, I'm really a Dem, not a DiNO (Democrat in Name Only) like most of you think.