Wentz? I thought George Wendt was here. Now THAT would have been an interview.
The column was not, however, a total loss, as it has given me an idea for a hot new female band which, at the first available opportunity, I shall promote to stardom and milk for profit during their brief but lucrative claim to fame.
The name of the band will be Guttersnipe Girls. Or possibly Gyrrls. I'll have to check with the market survey people to see which spelling most excites the interest of today's fickle and undereducated adolescents.
Trixie, the Nice One, will dress in white, pink, and blue; she will exude an aura of naive wholesomeness. Natasha will dress all in black and wear too much make-up. Samantha (Sam for short) will wear boys' clothing, no make-up, and will perpetually dangle an unlit cigarette from her lips while displaying a bored and slightly surly attitude toward her bandmates. Paula will be the "everygirl" of the group, and will play the drums with a poster of Ringo Starr (post-Beatles) pinned up behind her.
Of course, the four will have no musical talent whatsoever. I'll pay some down on their luck studio musicians scale to fill-in for them during actual recording sessions, and the rest of the time the band can lip-sync.
I feel certain that Hanna Montana can be worked into the mix somehow, perhaps making a cameo appearance during select concerts, where it will be revealed that she has long been a fan. (I hope we won't have to pay her too much. Perhaps we can offer some sort of quid pro quo.)
When interest begins to flag, there will be the inevitable saucy scandal to freshen things up and catch the eye of the media. Perhaps a catfight between Sam and Kelly Osborne. Ghastly, but plausible. Or Trixie might be caught dating an older man. I wonder if George Wendt is available.