Carl's Jr.'s Most American Thickburger Is as American as It Gets

Cue the bald eagles and Hulk Hogan's theme music, this is America!EXPAND
Cue the bald eagles and Hulk Hogan's theme music, this is America!
Josh Chesler

The Guilty Pleasure: Most American Thickburger
Where to Get It: Carl’s Jr.
Price: $5.79
What it Really Costs: Three years of your life, gastric bypass surgery, the option of not screaming “‘MURICA!” while eating your food

Unless you’ve been hiding from all sorts of fast food news and advertising, you’ve probably heard about Carl’s Jr.’s new Most American Thickburger.

In case you’ve been living under the fast food equivalent of a rock and still decided to read this post, let us inform you about the Most American Thickburger.

For one thing, its price ($5.79) has been getting some attention, since most fast food burgers are available for well under $5. But the part that’s been making headlines the most is the unspoken price you pay when you eat it — the price of 1,030 calories (or more, if you opt for the 1/2 pound patty instead of the 1/3 pound).

How does a burger reach 1,030 calories? It’s simple. You split a hot dog in half and lay it across the top, then you layer the bottom in Lay’s potato chips. Combine that with all of the regular burger accouterments, and it’s a four-digit caloric monster with over 60 grams of artery-clogging fat.

The real question though, is how does it taste? Eating more than 1,000 calories and likely taking weeks off of your lifespan is totally understandable if it’s for something delicious. Doing all that for a mediocre burger, on the other hand, is downright foolish.

So what’s it taste like? It tastes like freedom. It tastes like excess. It tastes like gluttony. It tastes like America.

Odds are, if you want to try the Most American Thickburger, you’re going to try the Most American Thickburger. You’re going to like it, too. It’s not gourmet or particularly delicious by any means, but if you want a cheap fast food hot dog thrown on top of a decent fast food cheeseburger, this hits the spot.

The chips, on the other hand, are downright delicious. Why aren’t chips added to more burgers? Probably because no one would ever buy a burger without chips if they knew that was an option. The added crunch and saltiness of the chips complement the standard burger tastes and textures exceptionally well.

Make no mistake about it, the Most American Thickburger isn’t changing your life (outside of the possible heart disease it could cause), but if you’re all about gratuitous dishes with excessive ingredients piled on top of one another, this’ll be a solid addition to your gut-busting favorites menu.

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