The Guilty Pleasure: Cap’n Crunch Delights
Where to Get It: Taco Bell
Price: 2 for $1, 4 for $1.69, 12 for $4.49
What it Really Costs: Sugary unicorn tears, candied kitten blood, possible diabetes (free if you order 12 or more)
If none of your friends have asked you if you’ve tried the “Cap’n Crunch balls” from Taco Bell yet, you clearly aren’t the fast food connoisseur of your friends.
In the ever-expanding line of Taco Bell’s “What Won’t Stoners Eat?” menu, the Cap’n Crunch Delights bring Taco Bell to a place where it hasn’t had much success: dessert. Let’s face it, those little Cinnamon Twists don’t do much for anyone, so these had to be better, right?
When you get right down to it, the Delights are really just a cross between two American breakfast staples: sugary cereals and doughnuts. It’s a doughnut hole covered in the little crumbs that Crunch Berries leave in your cereal bowl and stuffed with a filling that claims to imitate milk.
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Does it taste like cereal and milk? Not exactly. It’s more like if you covered a doughnut hole in Crunch Berry remains and filled it with some sort of weird goo that might’ve been warmed excess Cinnabon icing. (You forgot about the eerily similar Cinnabon Delights that debuted 2013, didn’t you?)
From the outside, the Delights basically look like egg-shaped balls of dough sprinkled with pixie dust. On the inside, things get a little weird. The squishy dough is pink, and the white goo gets messy if you don’t eat the whole thing in one bite. The combination of rainbow-colored sugar and sticky white cream can lead to a multicolored mess if you’re not careful, so definitely use some of those classy Taco Bell napkins or else you’ll look like you fought a unicorn.
Quite frankly, the Cap’n Crunch Delights taste pretty good. We might not work them into our regular rotation for fear of diabetes and a lack of diversity, but they’re definitely just under that top tier of fast food desserts. They’re way too sugary, and they don’t really taste that much like the cereal, but what else would you expect from Taco Bell?