Flashes

Home Invasion

Owing to the NCAA playoffs and the Academy Awards, Sunday dawns a big TV day for the Flash. All other pursuits are discarded.

The Flash is a bit perturbed when one regular hoops-watching pal — we’ll call him Paul — skips the Flash’s gig in favor of another.

Paul is going to new friend Suzy’s house instead. He’s a little late for the game, but he calls her on his cell phone and announces that he’s en route. “I’ll be in the shower,” she says. “Just come on in.”

Paul arrives in a rush, parks, lets himself in, drops his laptop and shouts out the news of his arrival. “I’m here,” he bellows.

“Just a minute,” comes a faint response from the back of the house.

He turns on the TV and tunes it to the game.

Just as he’s settling in, a most unfamiliar woman walks into the room.

“What do you think you’re doing?“ she shrieks.

Paul is in the wrong house.

“I think I’m in the wrong house,” Paul says.

He stammers, blushes a cranberry red, apologizes profusely and makes for the front door. Then he stops.

“I forgot my stuff,” he tells the addled woman.

“You brought stuff?“ shrieks the traumatized woman, whom we’ll call Nancy.

Paul explains, retrieves his laptop and slinks next door to Suzy’s. Suzy promptly rushes over to apologize to Nancy and explain that Paul is a dolt.

The ballgames are over, and Suzy calls the Flash with an invitation for repast and some spirited Oscars heckling. The Flash accepts.

Unlike Paul, the Flash has never been to Suzy’s, but espies Paul’s car and parks next to it. The Flash strides to the door and rings the bell. A most unfamiliar man opens the door. He bears an expression of bemused annoyance.

The Flash has rung Nancy’s doorbell, and Nancy has dispatched her husband, whom we’ll call Cliff, to deal with it.

“I think I have the wrong house,” the Flash stammers.

Cliff points next door.

This little Neil Simonesque farcical episode is much more entertaining than anything on the Oscars.