The Bow Thong: Because Nothing Says Happy Valentine’s Day Like a Gift-Wrapped Ass Crack

Are you kidding me?

Just in time for the whoriday, lingerie companies all over the world are releasing their own versions of the bow thong, which is basically a huge ass bow to cover your huge ass.

Not only will a wide majority of women’s backsides look flat (or not-so-flat) damn awful in bow thongs, but any self-respecting woman who decides to make her ass a gift will have to do some serious maneuvering to get that thing into a pair of jeans or fuck, into a small purse next to her lipstick, debit card, and handgun for the end of the evening.

Ladies, did we really feel the need to one-up the dick in a box?