10 Phoenix Couples You've Probably Met

If you live anywhere for long enough, you realize a fact of life: every place can be broken down into a handful of archetypes of people. Those archetypes tend to date people similar to them, which leads to only so many  different “types” of couples.

Phoenix is no different. So if you’ve been in the Valley for long enough, you’ve probably seen every possible relationship in the area. Here are 10 Phoenix couples you’ve totally met in your time here.

The Yuppie Conservative Couple
The closer you are to 30, the more likely it is you know this couple. One of them has a well-paying job that generally requires a suit wearing, and the other is super into some hobby or community activity that improves the lives of those around them while making them look like a saint in the process. Roughly 20 years down the road, you expect at least half of this couple to run for political office, and they probably live in a relatively clean suburban area like Arcadia or the nice part of Gilbert.

The Club Rat Couple
They probably both went to ASU or U of A, but only because mom and dad wouldn’t pay for out-of-state tuition. They didn’t meet in college because they were both too busy with Greek life and generally socializing/sleeping around, but they both got degrees in psychology or something vaguely business-related. They have proceeded to do little more than frame their diplomas. After college, they each briefly tried having 9-to-5 jobs. Now, they’re promoters/bartenders/managers at the clubs in Old Town Scottsdale and Tempe (maybe Glendale or North Scottsdale at first), and like it way better than their old corporate gig. Sure, they fight a lot and seem to break up every other week, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

The “Western” Couple
Neither of them works on a ranch, but they still feel the need to wear cowboy hats and boots constantly. No one really knows why. Their house is full of cattle skulls and horse saddles. They’re not always around on weekends, because sometimes they go up to their cabin in Greer or Jerome or Cottonwood or one of those other small towns that isn’t mainstream enough to be Sedona. Oh, and forget inviting them to a club. You’ll have to go to one of the handful of bars they hang out in to have a beer with them. 

The Homegrown Suburban Couple
Go ahead and pick any suburban area of the Valley. Mesa, Paradise Valley, Peoria — you name it, there are couples like this one there. They’re not necessarily high school sweethearts (although they very well might be), but they’ve both lived in the same city/town since they were kids. They can’t imagine moving anywhere else, even though they love to complain about their part of the Valley. Odds are, they had kids young, and that’s a big part of why they stay in the 'burbs.

The Nauseatingly Athletic Couple
Compared to much of the world, people in Phoenix tend to be in really good shape. Within Phoenix, there is also that group of people who dedicate more time and energy to staying ridiculously fit than most would think possible. Maybe he does Crossfit and cycling races on the weekend, while she alternates between hot yoga and cardio kickboxing (when she’s not training for a marathon). They’re generally down to hang out when they’re not in the gym, but if you go to eat with them they’ll be the people who have to customize their order a dozen ways and won’t drink with you because they have to get up at dawn to go for a trail run.

The “We Can’t Wait to Move” Couple
These are the people who came out to Phoenix either because of a job or to get away from snow, and they semi-regret it ever since. They’re the ones who will tell you Phoenix has no culture and their hometown (or the last city they’ve lived in) is way more “authentic” than the Valley. In a few years, they will finally work up the courage and financial safety net to move out to LA or Austin or Portland or wherever it is they want to complain about next. But that's only after they’ve littered Facebook with the tales of their weekend adventures.

The Snobby Scottsdale Couple
Not to be confused with the Club Rat Couple (who’s also often found in Scottsdale), this is the pair of early-30-somethings who both work corporate jobs that pay well enough to finance their love for bottle service, pool party cabanas, and plastic surgery. If they were smarter with their money, they might be traveling the world on vacations and driving Porsches, but instead they settle for weekends in Vegas and Mustang convertibles. They won’t always feel the need to look down on you, as long as you’re willing to admit that their paycheck-to-paycheck flashy lifestyle makes their Instagram feeds look way more awesome than those of people who make twice as much money.

The Artsy Downtown Couple
If you ask a couple about commercialism coming to Roosevelt Row and they get super upset, you might be talking to artsy downtowners. They’re either good friends with artists or they're artists (who happen to work at a coffee shop or bakery during the day). You can spot them by their love for “vintage,” “eco-friendly,” and “recycled” items, but they’re not actually committed enough to go full Pacific Northwest activist or anything.

The Rich Old Couple
You can’t talk about Phoenix without mentioning the older folk. The area is as much of a retirement haven as you’ll find in the world, and it draws some of the best and most successful people in their declining years. Of course, these couples can be broken down into the ones who scoff at how little you’ve done with your life and those who are happy with their life and legitimately want to help the next generation. The latter are the type who’ll be your adopted parents/grandparents when you need some extra guidance in life and business, but (unfortunately) the first is much more common.

The “We Met at ASU” Couple
With thousands of people moving to Arizona to become Sun Devils, it’s no surprise that so many couples you run into met each other at ASU. Maybe they moved from the same part of the country (see: the Midwest), or maybe they just lived in the same dorm or had Sociology 101 together, but they’re always eager to tell you how they met while both wearing maroon and gold every Saturday of the fall. Even though they might’ve been dating for over half of their collegiate lives, they’ll still be the first ones to tell you about all of the times they took their friends out on Mill back in the day. Bonus points if they have a dog (or baby) named Sparky.
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Josh Chesler
Contact: Josh Chesler