Five Ways to Better Spend Your Time Than Watching Entourage

Keep New Times Free

I Support

Local
Community
Journalism

Support the independent voice of Phoenix and help keep the future of New Times free.

We're guessing Vince bangs a super model, a musician, or some San Francisco artsy type before he makes his next film, which will most assuredly be a biopic about Mark Wahlberg. (the only fitting way to end this semi-fictional meta-hand job that Marky Mark has crafted for himself).

But if you'd like to spend your time productively, we have five alternatives that are guaranteed to be more fulfilling than viewing the weekly half-hour of douchery.

Activity #2: Test drive a Maserati with no intention of buying it.

Because this show is a grown-up Toys-R-Us kid's wet dream come to life, there is a heavy focus on women, boozing, and partying with other celebs. But many of these aspects play second fiddle to the disgusting amount of cars this show parades.

Ten minutes into each episode, most gearheads already have blue balls and will find no sufficient payoff for the shameless advertising these luxury manufacturers definitely do not need.

It's like an episode of Top Gear, except you have to take out everything that's cool about Top Gear and replace it with shit.

Activity #3: Frost your tips.

Combine with Activity #1 for even more fulfillment and satisfaction.

Activity #4: Film yourself hanging out with your friends, call it a 'Pilot,' and send it to HBO.

Mark Wahlberg is the foundation for all of the inane bullshit Entourage fronts as 'storylines.' He says the show is based on his experiences with his hometown friends as they navigated the Hollywood lifestyle. Like everyone, he probably thought, "Hey! Me and my friends are hilarious! We deserve our own show!" Only he actually had the ~~capability~~ money to pull it off.

Pull a couple of WB-listers from their equally terrible shows and dress them up in Prada, suddenly they're analogues for Marky Mark and his Funky Bunch. I can't wait until Vince goes to jail for attempted murder and gets to experience the resident tattooed Cuban. Just like Marky Mark did.

Activity #5: Don't do anything at all for eight years.

Life is about progression. Life is about change. Many of the best television shows share these aspects. Not Entourage. Entourage is a superficial show about a superficial industry. No one cares about anything of substance, unless of course you can put it up your nose or in your cup.Will they compare bling with Ludacris this week? Or play in a Celebrity Basketball game with Justin Bieber?

Will Ari be racist and mean and have to win everyone over again? And will Vince's behavior/friends/pornstar girlfriend jeopardize his career, only for everything to work out in the end? You could find the answers to these questions, or you can, you know, go outside and do something. Your call.

Entourage premiered last Sunday on HBO with new episodes every week. Check your local listing or visit HBO.com for more information.

Keep Phoenix New Times Free... Since we started Phoenix New Times, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Phoenix, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Phoenix with no paywalls.

Recommended For You

Five Ways to Better Spend Your Time Than Watching Entourage

Trending Arts & Culture

Powered by SailThru