Each week, we're re-capping the first season of Fuller House, episode by episode. Grab your She-Wolf Pack and let's go.
Remember when we said that some of the parallels between Fuller House and its parent show were genius? While we still stand by that in regards to the gender reversal between the main adult trios, we saw its awkward side in episode three.
Gone are the simpler times when Danny Tanner sheepishly tried his hand at dating, while Jesse had his many conquests, and Joey was ... well, Joey. Instead, we have the dangerous combo of a newly single Kimmy with the hard partying, ~*world-renowned DJ*~ Stephanie. Their mission: Get Mama DJ out of the house. Can't a girl just sit in her sweats and watch Dancing with the Stars with her baby? Is that not a thing? Not according to the other two, who have a tiny dress and a squad name at the ready. After much convincing, the self-proclaimed "She-Wolf Pack" (complete with the hand gesture pictured above) was set out into the wild.
Before we go on, let's take a second to round-up DJ's Top 5 Most Horrifying Mom Jokes this episode:
#5: "Whoa, you guys look fleek!"
#4: Hostess: "Do you have reservations?" DJ: "Yes! I think I should be at home with my kids."
#3: Fernando: "You're way out of your league, DJ!" DJ: "For your information, I'm in a league - a bowling league!"
#2: "DJ's not in her PJs!"
#1: "What if Uber sees my boobers?"
The three head out to Euphoria, a brightly lit and scarcely populated dance club. This is one of Kimmy's favorite haunts, which earns them a spot in the red-roped VIP area. When Stephanie goes up to the bar to order "three tequilas for me and my girls," she meets a pair of greasy brothers (played by Dancing with the Stars' Maksim and Valentin Chmerkovskiy) who worm their way up to the coveted spot with them.
Stephanie looks over and sees her "girl" Macy Gray standing next to the bar, because apparently the show's producers threw a dart and that's where it landed. It turns out the two actually know each other from a gig they both played in Cambodia. Of course. I don't think anyone talks about their profession as much as Fuller House wants us to think ~*world-renowned DJs*~ do. DJ could have very easily dropped some knowledge about actual she-wolf packs thanks to her veterinary gig. Low and behold though, Macy does remember Steph and they chit-chat before she's introduced as the night's special guest singer. The whole room gets up to dance, with Deej and Stephanie splitting the grease brothers.
With Kimmy left all alone, she scours the room and spots a cute pair of buns that belong to none other than her cheating nearly-ex-husband Fernando. He stops dead in his tracks, professing his love once again for reasons we still don't totally understand. He talks her into dancing with him like old times, but not long after, they're interrupted by Fernando's new and totally basic ladyfriend. The She-Wolf Pack sees the drama and ditches the doofuses to console a wounded Kimmy.
Meanwhile at home, the kids have been left in the care of Joey, who flew all the way from Las Vegas to babysit for one night. Once again, the show can't yet stand on its own without one of the Elders dropping by, so here we are. In a "gosh darn Millennials!" moment, he soon realizes that they won't talk to him because they can't get their faces out from behind their screens. Luckily (?), he's able to snatch the devices and lock them in a drawer. The imminent teen angst is quickly squelched by the introductions of a spread of silly string and squirt guns. And so the house war begins.
Joey, an adult man in roller skates, annihilates the three kids, who are still fighting against each other after last episode's who-gets-what-room debacle. Once covered with slime and toilet paper, they devise a plan to get back at him together. As kids often do, they rig a cooler over the front door to dump goo on him as he walks back in, but hit the three ladies returning home instead. It was a nice nod to a very real problem for families these days, which is exactly where they will thrive. However, it does feel like the adult and kids story lines are rotating outside each other at this point. It'd be nice to take out the distraction of the Elders for a bit and actually operate as a family.
Back in da club, the fury of a Kimmy scorned fuels the pack to enter themselves in Euphoria's "famous" dance competition. Since they ditched their dudes for each other, the only logical solution is to for Kimmy and DJ to do the same dance they did for their fourth-grade talent show. Obviously. Thank goodness Stephanie is a ~*world-renowned DJ*~ and used her Macy Gray hook-up to get her to sing a duet of "(I've Had) The Time of My Life," the most 1980s of talent-show picks.
As couples are picked off, it seems the only people that will be left standing are, of course, Fernando and his basic lady and DJ and Kimmy. Reminded by DJ that he'd only be hurting Kimmy more, Fernando throws the last part of the dance. The girls win, with the grease brothers coming in handy for the big lift at the end since DJ is a tiny human being. They celebrate their victory on stage with a lengthy acceptance speech, punctuated by this nonsense, a final She-Wolf Pack salute:
The show is chugging along, but still has a long way to go. As long as they don't rhyme anything else with "boobers," this just might work.
Biggest Highlight: At first, Macy Gray's appearance has us like, "WHY?" However, she ended up having some of the best bits of the episode. She joked about selling CDs out of her car and later, after performing at a terrible dance club, asks, "What am I even doing here, I won a Grammy!" One might wonder if that was almost said into the camera, but at least she seems to be in on the joke.
Biggest WTF: The club was bad enough, but the girl who played the hostess had to have been cast as a favor to someone. She delivered the already horrible line, "Kimmy Gibbler in the club!" with cold, dead eyes.
Most Egregious Call-Backs:
- Again, Stephanie, with another "how rude," when they were slimed by the kids. That's it; you're cut off.
- Joey wearing the hockey jersey they won't graduate him from.
- Mr. Woodchuck once again made the flight the the Bay, if only to say that "of course [he] WOOD."
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