Fun

In Defense of Basic Bitches

I have a confession for you.

I'm a little bit basic.

I have a Pinterest board. I binge watch Gilmore Girls on Netflix. Buzzfeed thinks my spirit animal is Jennifer Aniston. And when I don't feel like getting dressed up to go to Target, I wear Uggs, yoga pants, and a scrunchie that screams, "I have absolutely zero shame."

Now, do I still judge basic bitches? You bet your sweet ass I do.

I judge celebrities I'll never meet in real life, people who wear sweatpants at the airport, strangers who put their cell phone on speaker while they're in public. . . I judge everyone and everything.

Without judgment, I believe almost nothing would be funny. Self-esteem would neither rise nor fall. And safety? Forget about it. If you're too high and mighty for judging, please get ready to die an early death, because judging saves lives. Think about that the next time you're approached by a shadowy figure in a parking lot or asked for ride home by a hitchhiker.

See also: 50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch

So keeping in mind that I'll pass judgment on anything that crosses my path, my own reflection included, let's take a closer look at the basic bitch.

If you got upset because you were aptly described by more than a handful of the 50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bitch, cool it.

First off, you're ruining the best part about being a basic, which is not caring what anyone thinks about you. If you did care, those cheesy Paris posters and shopaholic books would have been burned, buried, or thrown out a long time ago.

The plus side of having some basic qualities is knowing that you prefer things that make you happy over things that set you apart. Do my Uggs and yoga pants make me look like a fashionable contemporary? Absolutely not. Is it my most favorite and comfortable ensemble in the whole wide world? You know it.

If you think having basic qualities is a bad thing, then peel off the inspirational Post-It notes and the Scotch-taped image of Beyoncé and take a good hard look in the mirror. You're not perfect and you're also not bat-shit crazy. You live in the happy medium we call normal.

The only people who live outside the realm of basic are billionaires, serial killers, and Amanda Bynes. Not having a single basic quality makes people weird. It makes having a real human connection nearly impossible because, guess what, the majority of us bitches out there are in some way basic.

So blast your Katy Perry with the Jetta windows rolled down. Splurge on a pair of obnoxiously colored underwear at Victoria Secret, and hold up your cosmo in way that says to the bartender, "Yes, I see you judging me, and, no, I couldn't care less."

See also: 50 Signs You're Dating a Basic Bro

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Katie Johnson
Contact: Katie Johnson