Film and TV

MIB/23 Is Coming; Here Are 6 Awful Hypothetical Movie Crossovers to Get You Hyped

When we heard Hollywood announced a crossover film between 21 Jump Street and Men in Black, the aptly titled MIB/23, we were a little befuddled. How did they come up with such a foolproof concept? It practically writes itself.

So why stop there? This is the perfect opportunity to kickstart a shit-ton of failing franchises. What do they say in the movies? “When in doubt, reboot.” Not anymore. Now is the age of the crossover.

With that in mind, here are 12 more film franchises that we’d like to see mashed up into six blockbusters — and what those films might entail.

Godzilla/The Land Before Time
Littlefoot, Sarah, Petri, and the gang reunite for one more adventure, and this time they’re bringing a friend! It’s time for prehistoric fun under the 21st-century sun as your favorite dinosaurs journey through the modern world to save their new pal, Godzilla.

This feisty fire-breather isn’t your normal dinosaur — he’s an metaphor for weaponized nuclear development and unchecked cloning practices. And when his thirst to squelch mankind’s hubris brings him the ire of the United States military, it’s up to Littlefoot and Co. to rescue their murderous friend.

Can they navigate the trail of twisted debris and mangled bodies in time to help Godzilla, or will friendship fail in this stunning tale that movie critic A.O. Scott deems “adequately celluloid”? Welcome to the Land Before Time 19: The Time-Lost Terror of Time Parts 1 and 2.

Final Destination/Bridget Jones' Diary
The latest chapter in Bridget Jones’ diary just got ... deadly! A near-death experience on a malfunctioning elevator diverts Ms. Jones from the sweet embrace of death, instead into the arms of Mr. Right.

But was she destined to meet her man, or did she get a second chance she didn’t deserve? Not only does she have to navigate life as a single woman, but she must dodge rickety scaffolding and sleazy ex-boyfriends at every turn.

But when an old friend (played by Hugh Grant) might have the key to saving her life, Bridget must choose between new love or an old flame, a life of danger or quiet nights in. What’s a girl to do? This is Bridget Jones: The Final Chapter.

Sister Act/Wishmaster
Whoopi Goldberg is stuck between the Pope and a hot place! Goldberg returns as Delores, back in the arms of mafia-boss boyfriend Vince. But in order to prove her loyalty, she has to off her old friend, the Pope.

Delores wishes she could go back to her old days singing at St. Katherine’s, summoning the evil Djinn (played by Andrew Divoff) to answer her prayers.

But the Djinn doesn’t want to enslave humanity anymore — he wants to sing. But will his old desires rear their demonic heads when Delores urges the Djinn to take care of her mob past? Or will the power of song persevere? It is time for The Wishter Act.

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Joseph Schmidt
Contact: Joseph Schmidt